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Whiteout





Alrighty then. First review (INCLUDES SOME SPOILERS).

So I watched Whiteout. I'd seen the trailer awhile back, thought that it looked like a cool idea (no pun intended), and then forgot about it until recently.

After finishing the film, I must say I'm very disappointed. Visually, the film is nice to look at, with some gorgeous scenery, although too reliant on CGI.

The real problem is the plot. To put it bluntly, it's DOA. Dead on arrival. That may be because the opening scene pretty much sucks most of the mystery out of the movie, and instead of leaving this viewer intrigued, I became bored waiting for the story to unfold past the expected discovery of the plane.

Kate Beckinsale plays a U. S. Marshal stationed at a Antarctic research base. Through the SUBTLE USE OF FLASHBACKS, we gradually discovered she has been traumatized by past betrayal. This naturally leads the viewer to suspect she might, just might probably definitely will be betrayed again at some point in the film.

I don't want to diss on Beckinsale too much here because she has a nice ass and I liked seeing her bent over in her little white panties... but her performance was pretty stiff, stiffer than me during her shower scene.



Pictured: Kate Beckinsale acting.


Sorry bout that last paragraph.

All of the performances were stiff, nearly lifeless in fact, and the only relationship in the film that even approached the convincingly human was between Beckinsale and Tom Skerrit (an actor I rather like), who plays the base doctor.



"This won't affect my acting career, will it, Doc?"


The best scene in the whole movie involved Beckinsale's frostbitten fingers, but even then she seemed slightly less upset than I think I would have been at losing two of my fingers, and I'm a fairly stoic dude.

The director, Dominic Sena, strives for a claustrophobic feel, mainly by using too many close-ups from obtuse angles, yet for an isolated research station, this place is jumpin.

Not to tell anyone how to do their job, but I can't help but think the movie would have been better served by the removal of the opening plane scene. In fact, given the hackneyed flashbacks throughout, I don't see why the opening scene was not used only as a flashback during the plane discovery scene. It might have helped preserve some interest earlier on if the beginning had focused more on the characters and had then introduced us to the main plot via their discovery of the first body.

Oh well.

The dialogue is dull as rock, consisting of actors repeating the obvious, for the benefit (one supposes) of the sight-impaired.

The action scenes are limp. Partly because I just didn't care for these cardboard characters, and partly because the whole thing is so darn cliche. Watching the killer try to slice up Beckinsale with his ice axe, I wondered if the movie secretly aspired to be a slasher film.



All your base are belong to us.


Anyways, the whole thing drags on until the unshocking nonrevelation at the end, and not soon enough.

Rating: 3/10