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Hellraiser




Hellraiser
Erotic Horror / English / 1987

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
I DON'T ****IN' KNOW, DON'T ASK ME.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*
Maggots, Roaches, Rats, Monkeys, Snakes, Birds, Crickets, Variousotherpetstoreanimals, Down Feathers, and Kissing. Not ****in' cool.

And the rest of the movie's not ****in' cool in general, it's deliberately grotesque and gory, apparently ripping peoples' skin off with hooks is just what kids were into back in the 80s, I dunno, I must have missed that fad and I'm rather glad for it.

AT LEAST I will go so far as to say that the movie doesn't eroticize gore in quite the same way as something like My Bloody Valentine 3D did, there's something lost between the two. Hellraiser at least seems to understand that pleasure is the entrypoint and the thrill of danger is what follows, for some people that involving pain, and so the idea is they take that to it's logical extreme by supposing a Lovecraft-esque hammerspace in which individuals have ascended into a sort of purgatory where they chase the most extreme highs in the form of self-inflicted tortures (all the "Cenobites" here having various body mutilations to distinguish them).

The gore really isn't appealing at all. But why would it be? Perhaps I'm trying to rationalize a distinction that doesn't really exist, but modern horror movies like My Bloody Valentine 3D and the Saw sequels and whatnot seem to make a money shot out of how graphically they can kill characters off, as if that itself is the appeal (and for many who aren't me, for some blisteringly insane reason, it is). Hellraiser seems far more intent to disturb with it's gore within the context of pursuing something ostensibly erotic, so to that end it doesn't quite gross me out like in other movies where the violence is shot like a porno.

The gore is pretty over the top and unrestrained from the word go so, frankly, to that end, it actually bothered me considerably LESS than a movie like Ex_Machina where the violence is isolated towards the end and sickening realistic.

Also, you gotta try and imagine that sort of... what was it? Saving Private Ryan moment where a knife just slooooooooowy slides into you, that's some skin-tingly **** right there. Hellraiser is just goofy by contrast and I dunno what it's deal is with chains, hooks, and blood. It's a theme I guess.



No Blood Geysers at least, though hammering someone in the head 3 times still leaves a ridiculous amount of blood on the hammerer.

I find it interesting, the route the story took, didn't really expect a story about a horny Step-Mom who tries to revive her dead **** of a boyfriend (heh, dead ****) by luring men to her home so he can steal their blood.

There's a frustratingly obvious diminishing return on each body though, Frank never gets his body back even though all it took was Mr. Dad to cut his hand once to give him a functioning head, arms, torso, and crippled legs. Another body and he can stand. Another and he can... taste? Another and... he's slightly more red? This sacrificial thing feels like a jip, how many more guys I gotta seduce and hammer in the back of the head before you have a penis and I can stand to look at you in dim light?

The end of the movie's just ****in' bizarre too. Main Girl uses the puzzle box to banish 3 of the 4 Cenobites, the last one shows up behind her boyfriend with a knife (um, what happened to your magic chainhook powers?) and he just gets clobbered by falling debris.

Oh, well that's approximately the same as zapping the other 3 magic reality phase shifting demons out of existence, I'll just leave this hyper dangerous demi-god of sadomasochism under these planks of wood and walk away, I see no further danger here...

OH ****, THAT WEIRD SCORPION MONSTER THING! QUICK! PLAY CUP SHUFFLE WITH THE PUZZLE BOX TILL WE CAN ZAP IT!

Oh thank goodness that's over with. Oh, thanks for the jacket, Chad, you're taking this sudden and unexplained exposure to extradimensional monsters suddenly trying to kill us extraordinarily well, you haven't asked any questions at all!

*creepy hobo walks up, pulls puzzle box out of fire, burns away to reveal winged bone demon and flies away*

STILL NO QUESTIONS??? Gosh, he's a keeper.


Final Verdict:
[Meh...]