Pan

It was at the point when everyone in Neverland started singing Nirvana's "Smell Like Teen Spirit" that I knew this film was a misguided effort in style with zero substance. Wright's Pan is so bland that its desperate effort to be artistic is sad and frankly, a little pathetic.

Peter is an orphan who desperately seeks out who his mother is. One night at the orphanage, he is kidnapped by some pirates and is brought to Neverland. He is instantly put to work in the mines under the rule of the evil pirate Blackbeard. While there he meets a young James Hook and together they escape. With Blackbeard in hot pursuit, Peter has to learn to fly, save the fairies and fulfill his destiny in becoming the boy who never ages.

I don't really know where the film went wrong, but one would have to say the script. Peter needing to fulfill the chosen one plot line is tired and cliched. The idea of making him and Hook friends in the beginning isn't anything new either, in fact the exact same thing happened in the British mini-series adaptation of the Peter Pan story, Neverland. Wright's Pan takes the misguided step of focusing on spectacle rather then trying to tell a compelling story. The results are this disastrous attempt at something artful or creative.

The spectacle in this film tries so hard to dazzle the viewer that it becomes cringeworthy. Flying bubbles of water with various creatures swimming inside? Why? It looks cool I guess. All the ships fly, we have a bioluminescent scene that steals from Avatar and don't get me started on the absolutely terrible CGI in this film. Sometimes it works, mainly the background environments, but literally everything else is horrendous. Peter flying looks very reminiscent of early human CGI rendering, think Blade II if you've seen it. Then we are introduced to some Neverland Birds, something that looks like it belongs on the N64.

Shall we move on to the acting? My God does Garrett Hedlund make some awful choices in this film. What is he doing with his voice? I have no idea, but his acting sticks out like a sore thumb. Hugh Jackman goes over the top and chews up a lot of scenery with his Blackbeard. He seems to have some fun with the role and is a redeeming factor here. Levi Miller shows some promise, but in the role of Peter Pan, will be forgotten. Finally Rooney Mara, utterly bored and miscast as the Native princess.

Pan was "panned" by critics and I always wonder if those films deserve the savage beatings they get. Pan does, this film is a mess with no direction. A colourful prism of mistakes and bad effects. Pan and Hook being friends adds nothing to the story, they don't have any really conflict between each other. It's simply a "hey, we know they will be enemies later, let's have some funny foreshadowing". Neverland never inspires any awe, which is the real shame here because the film relies so heavily on the visuals.

Also...yes, I will mention again, they sing Smells Like Teen Spirit in this film, it was a real Moulin Rouge! moment...only terrible.