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The Lords of Salem
(directed by Rob Zombie, 2012)
Hey. Sexy Celebrity here again. Just letting you know I still watch movies.
Thank God I finally crossed this thing off the list. How do I describe The Lords of Salem? I almost turned this off and didn't finish it several times, but something made me keep going. Okay, so this is about a woman, played by Sheri Moon Zombie. No big surprise for a Rob Zombie movie. Most of the time, she's naked -- again, no big surprise. She's a radio DJ in Salem, Massachusetts. Ken Foree from Dawn of the Dead is another DJ. The third in her group is some guy who's in love with her. Anyway, so Sheri, as Heidi, lives alone in this building with her dog. She's sometimes a crack addict, though she's trying to be clean. Anddddddddddd... she gets this record at work. A vinyl record. It's this really creepy music. The band is called "The Lords." Or "The Lords of Salem." The band turns out to really be the landlord of the building Sheri lives in, along with her two sisters, who are played by Patricia Quinn (Magenta from The Rocky Horror Picture Show) and Dee Wallace (the mom from E.T. and Cujo). They're witches. They worship Satan. Their music hypnotizes the women of Salem over the radio. This draws the women to a concert where the witches play creepy violins and make all of the women of Salem commit suicide (not actually shown). Anddddddddd... that's pretty much it! That's the movie. Give or take a few details (but not many).
I laughed a little at times during this movie. At times, I thought this might even be the best Rob Zombie movie so far. I'm not so sure. It might have been the best -- I might still prefer his Halloween films -- but he still hasn't made something incredibly marvelous. This movie started off rather intriguing and interesting, but I figured that by the end of it, everything was gonna fall apart and unravel and explode and go nowhere -- and I was absolutely right. Characters don't develop -- quite the opposite! They melt. They come out of the witch's womb very stillborn, leaving you feeling cheated. One character, in fact, serves no purpose at all except to be murdered by the witches, despite the fact that we've been getting to know him and some other characters he meets along the way. Sure, he's the one who gives us some information about these witches, but it's hardly that important. The worst casualty is what happens to Sheri Moon Zombie's character, who becomes possessed and never recovers. At the end of the movie, it's as if everything turns into a wax museum.
I actually liked the character played by Sheri Moon Zombie and I felt drawn into her world. Too bad we weren't really allowed to progress further with her. This could have been a neat little Alice In Wonderland meets Rob Zombie and witches sort of movie. The second half of this movie, I swear, feels like it's imitating a kind of Stanley Kubrick style of filmmaking.
As a horror movie, this film is very weak and irritating. Frequently we are forced to feast our eyes on naked, old, weathered looking witches, full of dirt and grime and tattoos and God knows what else. Stylistically, I kind of dug a lot of things about this movie. However, the story is so boring ultimately and so wasted. I think Rob Zombie has talent in certain areas and there is much worse out there that you could watch, but he does not write well written stories or characters. He is a visual artist and musician first. I love the darkness and wickedness that is going on with him, and The Lords of Salem isn't bad at all if you want to delve into that. But everything with this movie just pops and explodes at the end to give us some kind of... confusing, David Lynch-like, Stanley Kubrick inspired ending. Which didn't really surprise me because typically Rob Zombie's movies end messy and flat and all over the place. I don't know if I'll bother with him again. Well, I probably will because I have again and again and again.
(directed by Rob Zombie, 2012)
Hey. Sexy Celebrity here again. Just letting you know I still watch movies.
Thank God I finally crossed this thing off the list. How do I describe The Lords of Salem? I almost turned this off and didn't finish it several times, but something made me keep going. Okay, so this is about a woman, played by Sheri Moon Zombie. No big surprise for a Rob Zombie movie. Most of the time, she's naked -- again, no big surprise. She's a radio DJ in Salem, Massachusetts. Ken Foree from Dawn of the Dead is another DJ. The third in her group is some guy who's in love with her. Anyway, so Sheri, as Heidi, lives alone in this building with her dog. She's sometimes a crack addict, though she's trying to be clean. Anddddddddddd... she gets this record at work. A vinyl record. It's this really creepy music. The band is called "The Lords." Or "The Lords of Salem." The band turns out to really be the landlord of the building Sheri lives in, along with her two sisters, who are played by Patricia Quinn (Magenta from The Rocky Horror Picture Show) and Dee Wallace (the mom from E.T. and Cujo). They're witches. They worship Satan. Their music hypnotizes the women of Salem over the radio. This draws the women to a concert where the witches play creepy violins and make all of the women of Salem commit suicide (not actually shown). Anddddddddd... that's pretty much it! That's the movie. Give or take a few details (but not many).
I laughed a little at times during this movie. At times, I thought this might even be the best Rob Zombie movie so far. I'm not so sure. It might have been the best -- I might still prefer his Halloween films -- but he still hasn't made something incredibly marvelous. This movie started off rather intriguing and interesting, but I figured that by the end of it, everything was gonna fall apart and unravel and explode and go nowhere -- and I was absolutely right. Characters don't develop -- quite the opposite! They melt. They come out of the witch's womb very stillborn, leaving you feeling cheated. One character, in fact, serves no purpose at all except to be murdered by the witches, despite the fact that we've been getting to know him and some other characters he meets along the way. Sure, he's the one who gives us some information about these witches, but it's hardly that important. The worst casualty is what happens to Sheri Moon Zombie's character, who becomes possessed and never recovers. At the end of the movie, it's as if everything turns into a wax museum.
I actually liked the character played by Sheri Moon Zombie and I felt drawn into her world. Too bad we weren't really allowed to progress further with her. This could have been a neat little Alice In Wonderland meets Rob Zombie and witches sort of movie. The second half of this movie, I swear, feels like it's imitating a kind of Stanley Kubrick style of filmmaking.
As a horror movie, this film is very weak and irritating. Frequently we are forced to feast our eyes on naked, old, weathered looking witches, full of dirt and grime and tattoos and God knows what else. Stylistically, I kind of dug a lot of things about this movie. However, the story is so boring ultimately and so wasted. I think Rob Zombie has talent in certain areas and there is much worse out there that you could watch, but he does not write well written stories or characters. He is a visual artist and musician first. I love the darkness and wickedness that is going on with him, and The Lords of Salem isn't bad at all if you want to delve into that. But everything with this movie just pops and explodes at the end to give us some kind of... confusing, David Lynch-like, Stanley Kubrick inspired ending. Which didn't really surprise me because typically Rob Zombie's movies end messy and flat and all over the place. I don't know if I'll bother with him again. Well, I probably will because I have again and again and again.