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ALL THE MARBLES (1981)
Something I’ve noticed about IMDB, Facebook (which I quit), and other sites on the internet is the “birds of a feather” effect. Because people don’t go to sites at random, the audience is unrepresentative of the larger audience.
On IMDB, you’ll see a lot of praise for ALL THE MARBLES, a movie which at first boggled my mind, then irritated me, and finally challenged me to finish the thing. You see, in ALL THE MARBLES (aka The California Dolls), professional wrestling is REAL. Yes, that’s right - even LADY wrestling. The move takes place in an alternate reality in which kayfabe does not exist.
Now - this was 1981. I’m really straining to remember. I BELIEVE that IS what people wanted in a wrestling movie back then, at least the small niche that actually WANTED a wrestling movie. As depicted in the film, that was the pre-WWF/WWE era of the regional wrestling associations.
The movie was Director Robert Aldrich’s swan song - he died in 1983. Whether his health was bad when this was made, I don’t know. It’s no worse than some of his other stuff, though - Aldrich was a “get ‘er done” kind of Director, and reportedly battled Peter Falk over Falk’s stubborn perseverance in changing script dialogue. Usually - I can really enjoy the changes that I see between “old times” and “present day” while watching a film. It’s tremendous fun, for example to watch old airport scenes with people jumping on planes with no security checks, carrying guns onto the plane in the pocket of suit coats, flicking cigarette ashes on other passengers, or repairing to the plane’s john to puff on a joint. In this case, however, it was absolutely painful for me to sit and watch a movie in which wrestling is so damned REAL that a) The lady’s championship is a bust-em-up battle in which everyone, including the ref, can really get hurt; b) The crowd is full of mature, older people, with no kids present, and most of the adults are dressed to the nines; and c) The venue is going to be someplace like the MGM Grand Hotel. Well - it was an MGM movie, and this was after Kirk Kerkorian invaded, so maybe that last point was mandated by him.
Anyway, the Dolls tag-team aren’t great actresses, but they’re acceptable. Pauly from Rocky, who attended the Fonzie Actor's Workshop, makes an unconvincing tough guy, and his tall white-haired grandpa of a bodyguard is even less convincing - and - in my humble opinion - this movie, which I’ve contemplated watching for years, STINKS.
Peter Falk wasted his time arguing over dialogue. The premise is silly, and most of this is a dull road movie featuring boring landscape and cheap motels. Did Falk really need this paycheck? Of course not - he had been promoted to Lieutenant long before this came out! But - maybe he imagined he could inject a little Cassavetes flavor into this tale of down and outers. HOW, though, when the movie is nothing but Rocky gone to wrestling? He must have thought he could really dominate Aldrich.
Falk is always unique. John Wayne always played John Wayne, AS John Wayne. Peter Falk always played Peter Falk - but not always AS Peter Falk. There’s a big difference, but here it doesn’t matter. If you want a lazy Saturday afternoon, pretending wrestling is real, go for it. I mean, if you like that kind of thing, I’d like to have you enjoy it before you finish sinking into dementia in a couple of months. Otherwise - this is for Peter Falk and Wrestling movie completists.
Ending on a positive note - the two lady wrestlers were commanded by Aldrich to LEARN TO WRESTLE. They kept practicing through a writer’s strike that delayed the movie, and - their wrestling skills are incredibly impressive. So guys - that’s another potential audience. If you like watching attractive women wrestle, fast forward to about the last 25 minutes and have your Kleenex ready.
Oh, I almost forgot. The actual title of this is "...All the Marbles." Yeah, with an ellipsis in front. Someone should write a book about movies with punctuation in the title. It's ALWAYS a bad sign. Think "$" or "Hawmps!"
Something I’ve noticed about IMDB, Facebook (which I quit), and other sites on the internet is the “birds of a feather” effect. Because people don’t go to sites at random, the audience is unrepresentative of the larger audience.
On IMDB, you’ll see a lot of praise for ALL THE MARBLES, a movie which at first boggled my mind, then irritated me, and finally challenged me to finish the thing. You see, in ALL THE MARBLES (aka The California Dolls), professional wrestling is REAL. Yes, that’s right - even LADY wrestling. The move takes place in an alternate reality in which kayfabe does not exist.
Now - this was 1981. I’m really straining to remember. I BELIEVE that IS what people wanted in a wrestling movie back then, at least the small niche that actually WANTED a wrestling movie. As depicted in the film, that was the pre-WWF/WWE era of the regional wrestling associations.
The movie was Director Robert Aldrich’s swan song - he died in 1983. Whether his health was bad when this was made, I don’t know. It’s no worse than some of his other stuff, though - Aldrich was a “get ‘er done” kind of Director, and reportedly battled Peter Falk over Falk’s stubborn perseverance in changing script dialogue. Usually - I can really enjoy the changes that I see between “old times” and “present day” while watching a film. It’s tremendous fun, for example to watch old airport scenes with people jumping on planes with no security checks, carrying guns onto the plane in the pocket of suit coats, flicking cigarette ashes on other passengers, or repairing to the plane’s john to puff on a joint. In this case, however, it was absolutely painful for me to sit and watch a movie in which wrestling is so damned REAL that a) The lady’s championship is a bust-em-up battle in which everyone, including the ref, can really get hurt; b) The crowd is full of mature, older people, with no kids present, and most of the adults are dressed to the nines; and c) The venue is going to be someplace like the MGM Grand Hotel. Well - it was an MGM movie, and this was after Kirk Kerkorian invaded, so maybe that last point was mandated by him.
Anyway, the Dolls tag-team aren’t great actresses, but they’re acceptable. Pauly from Rocky, who attended the Fonzie Actor's Workshop, makes an unconvincing tough guy, and his tall white-haired grandpa of a bodyguard is even less convincing - and - in my humble opinion - this movie, which I’ve contemplated watching for years, STINKS.
Peter Falk wasted his time arguing over dialogue. The premise is silly, and most of this is a dull road movie featuring boring landscape and cheap motels. Did Falk really need this paycheck? Of course not - he had been promoted to Lieutenant long before this came out! But - maybe he imagined he could inject a little Cassavetes flavor into this tale of down and outers. HOW, though, when the movie is nothing but Rocky gone to wrestling? He must have thought he could really dominate Aldrich.
Falk is always unique. John Wayne always played John Wayne, AS John Wayne. Peter Falk always played Peter Falk - but not always AS Peter Falk. There’s a big difference, but here it doesn’t matter. If you want a lazy Saturday afternoon, pretending wrestling is real, go for it. I mean, if you like that kind of thing, I’d like to have you enjoy it before you finish sinking into dementia in a couple of months. Otherwise - this is for Peter Falk and Wrestling movie completists.
Ending on a positive note - the two lady wrestlers were commanded by Aldrich to LEARN TO WRESTLE. They kept practicing through a writer’s strike that delayed the movie, and - their wrestling skills are incredibly impressive. So guys - that’s another potential audience. If you like watching attractive women wrestle, fast forward to about the last 25 minutes and have your Kleenex ready.
Oh, I almost forgot. The actual title of this is "...All the Marbles." Yeah, with an ellipsis in front. Someone should write a book about movies with punctuation in the title. It's ALWAYS a bad sign. Think "$" or "Hawmps!"
