Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews

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SAW VII / SAW 3D / SAW: THE FINAL CHAPTER
(directed by Kevin Greutert, 2010)



No, I am not reviewing three movies -- just one. It's just that this movie can go by three different titles, although I don't think Saw VII is one of the official titles, however that's what my cable TV provider said it was and I thought that title even showed up in the opening credits.

This is part seven of the Saw series - and the final installment, maybe. For some reason, I never got around to watching this movie until now, three years after its release. Funny because except for the first movie, I saw all of the others at the movie theater, usually on opening day.

This movie is sick. I am of two minds about it, though -- first, I enjoyed watching it, but because I was so invested in the series before, and because the films are basically a continuing soap opera involving a few characters who manage to live (and I emphasize "a few") - I was curious to see what happened to them next.

Well, guess what? They died. In fact, I can basically spoil the whole movie for you right now -- EVERY character in this movie died. Every character -- well, except one small (yet big) character who isn't that important to the film.

This film is sick murder after sick murder after sick murder. The Saw films are typically this kind of torture porn treatment, though -- and it's really not much different than the other films -- yet, this film felt worse than all of the others for me. Maybe it was the murders themselves -- they were very dark, sick and horrific.

There's two guys sitting inside a window display with saws running in front of them. A young woman whom they have been seeing hangs above them, a saw running below for her. Onlookers outside in broad daylight watch and try to help but can't, so they use their phones to call 911 and take pictures and such. One of these three people must die. One of these guys can either push a saw towards the other guy and try to kill him, or they can both do nothing and let the woman -- who's been seeing both of them, naughty girl -- fall onto a saw and let it slice into her stomach.

A racist guy in a car finds himself super glued or something to the car seat -- is he willing to rip the skin off his back and grab something in order to save the woman underneath the car who's going to get crushed and two friends of his who are also lingering tied up nearby and are going to get killed, too? Another woman isn't supposed to scream while another guy pulls a key out of her stomach through her mouth with a string or else these four spikes are gonna enter her throat and kill her in only SIXTY SECONDS if the guy doesn't get the key out in time! If she screams, it'll make the spikes come at her throat even faster! Another guy is blindfolded and forced to traipse across a few skinny boards on a mostly floor-less floor, with a great drop below. If he falls, a rope connected to him will hang him! Will the other guy across from him be able to help him cross this floor-less floor in SIXTY SECONDS and also GET THE KEY that'll unlock him from the rope? And by the way, sixty seconds is more like five minutes according to my clock. Why can't Jigsaw, the bad guy, just say, "I'll give you five minutes to save yourself from dying."

I won't even get into what the plot is. Basically, people die, like I said. It has got to be one of the sickest and most depressing horror films I have ever seen. Thank God it's the last Saw for now.



I give it a ZERO for the sheer fact that it's truly a very disgusting movie on all levels. It's not really a movie -- it's something Adolf Hitler would watch instead of Days of Our Lives. It's nothing but murder -- with nothing redeeming itself in the end. It was sickening just to watch the last good character alive get her face blown completely off in one of the sickest visuals you can imagine special effects coming up with. This movie is full of hate. This series has been nothing but full of hate. I'm done with it.



Miss Vicky's Loyal and Willing Slave
Holy crap! They made it up to 7 of these things?! I thought it was only like 4 or 5.

This series has been nothing but full of hate. I'm done with it.
An entertaining read as always SC. Although how did it take you so long to realise how sick and hate-filled the series is? I mean you saw FIVE of them at the cinema? I knew when the first one came out these were horrible films, and I've never even seen one!



I watched it a while ago, but I recall really liking the original Saw. It was dark, thrilling and sick in places, but I thought it was actually quite intelligent and respectful to the viewers, and the twist I thought was great as well. After the first film it truly went down hill and turned into a massive pile of ****, abandoning any type of intelligence in it and filling them with just sick scenes for the sake of being as sick as possible. I've seen a few random ones, like 3, 5 and 6 I think, and they were truly absolutely dreadful.
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Thanks for the review Sexy but one was enough for me
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VAMPS
(directed by Amy Heckerling, 2012)



Vamps is a flawed but fabulous film. The pacing is way too fast for me. It's a manic vampire movie. In the beginning, things would happen that were important and I'd forget them because I was still trying to process it all. But I enjoyed this movie. I laughed some big laughs a couple of times and that's always good. Sigourney Weaver is in this movie as a vampire named Cisserus and she is funny and delightful, especially in her last scene. How could you not be intrigued by the idea of Sigourney Weaver as a vampire? It's a role that's been waiting for her. She does a good job, although she's only in a few scenes. In her first scene, she orders a pizza because she wants to drink the blood of the pizza delivery guy. I laughed and had to rewind the movie as we see her walk past a wall with her arms out like Nosferatu going, "Pizza Guy!" as the pizza guy rang her doorbell. I also had to rewind over and over again something else that happened to her later in the movie (I won't say what, but it involved a chainsaw).


At one point in Vamps, vampire Sigourney Weaver tries on a skeleton body.

Alicia Silverstone and Krysten Ritter play two vampire friends who both have Sigourney Weaver as their master. Alicia's character, Goody, has been a vampire since the 1800's, but Krysten's character, Stacy, has only been a vampire since around 1992, I believe. Together, they hit up the night life and attend vampire support group meetings for vampires who don't like to drink human blood. They drink rat blood, instead. Miss Vicky would probably hate seeing Alicia Silverstone and Krysten Ritter sticking straws into rats' bodies and sucking the blood out through them.

Krysten Ritter starts dating the son of Dr. Van Helsing (Wallace Shawn), a vampire killer, who happens to be married to 3rd Rock From The Sun's Kristen Johnston. Meanwhile, in a better subplot, Alicia Silverstone runs into an old boyfriend from the 60's (or 70's? I can't remember for sure), played by Richard Lewis. He immediately recognizes his old girlfriend immediately -- "You haven't aged a day!" -- but she lies and tells him that she is not her, but her daughter. "My mom died," she lies. Meanwhile, Cisserus (Sigourney) travels to Spain to make Gael Garcia Bernal (in a small cameo) fall in love with her.



At times, Vamps gives us little stories with short sequences that are set in the past, like history lessons. This is because Alicia Silverstone's character is talking about things she's seen in her time. This is the first vampire movie I've seen that made me expect Forrest Gump to pop up somewhere.

In the end, Vamps shows itself not really as just a movie about two party girl vampires, but a movie about aging and accepting the fact that everyone gets old. Along the way, we are treated to a lot of unusual fun, such as seeing cell phones lighting up as they ring inside coffins. The writer and director, Amy Heckerling, also wrote and directed the very popular 1990's movie, Clueless, which I've seen, but I haven't seen the whole thing really since it came out. Vamps is her story, I guess, for all of those who loved Clueless when it came out and have now aged just as Alicia Silverstone has. The vampire idea is a good way to tell a new story about young ladies, make it sort of like Clueless, cash in on the whole vampire craze of modern time, etc. I don't think Vamps can be another Clueless, but it was a nice try at another movie for Heckerling. I think most reviews for Vamps have been bad, and it certainly didn't get anywhere near as much exposure as Clueless, but I liked the movie. I don't think I loved the movie, but I recommend it if you're in the mood for a horror-comedy about girls who sleep in coffins with Michael J. Fox pictures posted inside the lid (a male vampire character appeared to have naked women on his).



Give Vamps a watch sometime!




I've still not seen this, though, obviously, I want to. I really must get round to it. Glad you liked it, SC.

I was puzzled by this line, though:

How could you not be intrigued by the idea of Sigourney Weaver as a vampire?
To which the answer is, surely and obviously, because it's Sigourney Weaver.
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Miss Vicky's Loyal and Willing Slave
Can't say I've ever actually heard of Vamps. Does sound interesting though and stars a few people I quite like. Thanks for educating me Sexy.



"Hey Look it's Masterman"
Warrior
(directed by Gavin O'Connor, 2011)



One of the best movies I have ever seen. Possibly even my new favorite film. The Blu-ray has sat on my shelf for the past month, waiting to be watched, but I couldn't get into the mood. I heard a lot of praise for Warrior -- people comparing it to Rocky and such -- people thinking Tom Hardy is so fantastic in it. The praise made me think the movie was going to be overrated and wasn't really all that spectacular. Once I was done with it, though, I felt it was one of the most emotional experiences I ever had with a movie of its kind -- a sports movie, a movie about boxing, about fighting, etc. I love the Rocky movies, but they never got inside my head the way Warrior did. The final scenes of this movie were like the best sex ever. It was like being under the influence of a drug. It made me want to watch a different movie afterwards, but I sadly could not think of any that would have given me a similar experience.

So, yes, I recommend this movie totally. It stars Joel Edgerton and Tom Hardy as two brothers who are born fighters, but they have been estranged for a long time -- until at the end of the movie, they end up in a mixed martial arts ring together. Brendan (Edgerton) needs money so that he and his family can keep their house -- Tommy (Hardy) wants money to give to a widow in Texas. Nick Nolte (now this performance was alright, I thought, but saying he's the best thing about the movie is totally overrated -- personally, I think Joel Edgerton is) plays their father. He's a former alcoholic, but now he's gone through 1,000 days sober. Brendan works at a high school and is an all around beloved guy, while Tommy is dark, sullen, angry, quiet and scary. They are fierce fighters.

The only problem I have with Warrior is that it's hard to believe that these two guys wound up at this major MMA competition -- and end up fighting against each other. To me, this chain of events, and all of the other connections that happen (particularly one involving Tommy being a hero in Iraq) -- it is very fantastical. It could only happen in a movie. I was overwhelmed by how they all lucked out. But, it is a movie, and a very entertaining one. A very emotional one. Go see it.



Very nice review. Warrior is one of the most underrated movies of 2011, everyone was to busy raving about Drive that this slipped under the radar. I've told plenty of people about this movies but it just doesn't seen to attract people, probably because of the cage fighting. Tom Hardy is one of the best out there at the moment and this showcases just how good he is. Nice review, I hope a few more people watch this now.



POLYESTER
(directed by John Waters, 1981)



This is one of my favorite movies and I think I need to go adjust my Top 100 list again just to put this on there (I know it was on my last one). Polyester is a John Waters movie -- John Waters is famous for things like Hairspray (the original), Serial Mom, Pink Flamingos, Cry Baby, A Dirty Shame, etc. Polyester was Waters' first mainstream movie, as things like Pink Flamingos, which featured the transvestite Divine eating dog doo doo, were trashy and repugnant and NC-17. They were sort of like underground movies or something.

Anyway, Polyester stars that obese transvestite/drag queen, Divine, once again, this time as Francine Fishpaw. The film is set in a Baltimore, Maryland suburb and finds Divine as a married housewife with a nice house, a husband and two teenage kids. Her family is completely dysfunctional. Her husband is a fat, bald guy in a toupee who runs the local X-rated movie theater and he's having an affair with his skanky, braided hair secretary, played by one of John Waters' most famous regular actresses, Mink Stole. The townspeople hate this theater and the movie begins with showing them picketing outside Francine's house, much to her horror. A TV camera crew films the action as Francine's husband returns home from work and proudly gives them the showtimes for his latest feature, My Burning Bush.



Francine's daughter, Lu-Lu, is a rebellious slut who hangs out with a bad boy and gets herself knocked up when she's not flunking school. Francine's son, Dexter, also doesn't attend school, because he's out stalking women in public and stomping on their feet -- this leads to him being promoted on the news as the "Baltimore Foot Stomper", and the hunt for him is on! Dexter is also getting high on household cleaners and chemicals, as well as angel dust.



Francine's saving grace - and practically her guardian angel - is her best friend, Cuddles, a former cleaning maid who recently came into some money with a big inheritance. She now has a limo and a driver named Hans at her command. Cuddles is portrayed by Edith Massey, a major John Waters created celebrity, just like Divine and Mink Stole. Cuddles usually appears when Francine is having a breakdown, as Polyester is nothing but us witnessing Francine go through horror after horror as her family and life falls apart. It eventually drives Francine into becoming an alcoholic. Francine's mother, La Rue, is also an evil witch, who likes to steal Francine's money, and she believes that Cuddles is retarded and that "it's bad luck to have retarded people in your home!"



Polyester is a strange movie for John Waters to make, but I think it's one of his best. It looks to me like a huge joke about the "victimized woman" stereotype. Divine spends most of her time as Francine just crying out in agony over every upsetting thing. Even the little dog barking at her is too much. It's a completely different character for Divine, who in earlier films like Pink Flamingos and Female Trouble, is a loudmouth badass who doesn't give a crap about anything and will kill you if you mess with her.

I think this was the first John Waters movie I saw (in the 90's on Comedy Central). I've always thought of it as probably my favorite. But it's not one that you could just pop in at any time, unless watching Divine cry nonstop is your kind of thing. It's certainly a very good movie, though. It's flawed, I think, but it almost seems artistically flawed. Like a pair of jeans you'd buy that already has rips and mud purposely splashed on it.



1950's hunk and openly gay Tab Hunter appears late in the movie as a new love interest for Francine, whom Francine sniffs out at the scene of a car accident -- she appears to have psychic abilities, I think, which I never really noticed before until now. She is obsessed with smelling things with her nose and often her nose leads her to clues and revelations about things -- her nose finds a credit card receipt showing that her husband's been at a motel with his secretary, for example. She also dreamt about Tab Hunter before actually meeting him. So, she's psychic, and her smelling abilities is connected to her psychic intuition. Polyester was released with a gimmick -- an "Odorama" card -- a scratch and sniff card that lets you smell things in the film whenever a certain number appears on screen. My DVD of Polyester came with a reproduction of that original scratch and sniff card.

I very much love Polyester and recommend it.






Racing with the Moon
(directed by Richard Benjamin, 1984)



Racing with the Moon is a terrific film starring Sean Penn and Elizabeth McGovern as young lovers who only have a short time together in the early 1940's as Sean Penn's character, Henry 'Hooper' Nash, has been drafted in the Marines. The film also stars Nicholas Cage as Sean Penn's longtime best friend. The two work at a bowling alley, where they reset bowling pins after someone knocks them down (horrible looking job! I never thought about bowling before there were machines that automatically fixed the pins for you.) Elizabeth McGovern's character works inside the box office of a movie theater and it is there that Sean Penn first discovers her. She later finds him in a soda shop where he pretends to be a worker and ends up giving away a whole pie to her. After that, he follows her to where she lives and discovers that it's a very nice place -- a mansion, really -- she must have money, he assumes. But things are not as they seem.

ATTENTION RODENT!: This movie features a big scene where Sean Penn and Nicholas Cage have a pool match with some guys. You might like that.



There's not much else I really feel like saying right now about Racing with the Moon. I don't wanna give too much away. Maybe you've already seen it, dear reader.

It's a modest movie. But I found it more enjoyable than I thought I would. It wasn't boring. The pacing was good. The romance was sweet. The characters were memorable and remarkable. My biggest complaint? Perhaps the soundtrack. I dunno, too joyous and happy sometimes. It got on my nerves. Other than that, everything else about works. I particularly liked a scene where Sean Penn and Elizabeth McGovern visited wounded soldiers at a veteran's hospital to bring them books (she works in a library) and also when they first go on a double date at a skating rink, but not with each other.

The movie also deals with abortion.

Special acknowledgements: Carol Kane has a nice, very small role in the beginning as a prostitute. CAROL KANE as a prostitute? Would you buy her? Also, Sean Penn goes skinny dipping with Elizabeth McGovern and you see his bare ass. You also see her breasts. Unfortunately, there wasn't any Nicholas Cage nudity, but he does have some nice, muscular arms, which he shows off when he wears a wife beater.








Miss Vicky's Loyal and Willing Slave
Not seen either of the last two, but interesting and entertaining reviews as always.

Oh and thanks for being one of those people who introduced me to Pump Up the Volume which I recently watched and reviewed.



Sorry Harmonica.......I got to stay here.
Nice review SC, that was always an old favorite of mine. If you want an even better Carol Kane-as-a-prostitute experience, check out The Last Detail with Jack Nicholson and Randy Quaid. Another great film.
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i'm SUPER GOOD at Jewel karaoke
Introducing MINI REVIEWS by Sexy Celebrity.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit
(directed by Robert Zemeckis, 1988)
i rewatched this a few months ago, too, and i still really liked it. i disagree about the Bugs Bunny thing, though. that would have been weird.
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We've gone on holiday by mistake
Proud to say that I never watched a Saw film other than the first one.

I think you have been a bit harsh on Predator.

Predator is the 1987 smash hit film from the soon to be director of Die Hard, John McTiernan. It is not as good as Die Hard, in my opinion, and although I found Predator stunning to watch, I'm also somewhat disappointed. I liked Commando more. Yet, this film ain't too bad -- but it feels like a low grade Alien movie for men -- while the Alien films are somewhat more women oriented since Sigourney Weaver is the lead star. Predator is a romp in the jungle with Arnold Schwarzenegger and the guys, including Jesse Ventura as a g*ddamned sexual Tyrannosaurus.
First it wasn't a "smash hit" at all, it barely broke even at the box office, becoming a fan favourite over the years as opposed to big box office success.

Is there any kind of subtext to Predator that you could read into? I thought I was picking up on some stuff at first, but nothing really panned out for me. I thought it was interesting how during the first half hour of the movie, the guys are all killing and fighting off a bunch of human beings, and then suddenly they're facing off against the Predator. As if there's a message to mankind here -- Don't hurt your own species! You need each other to fight against aliens from other planets!
I don't think there is much subtext at all, it's not Independence Day where humanity must unite to save ourselves. It's just a standard CIA led Black Op into Latin America with an elite group of soldiers who become the Prey of an Alien Hunter.

And why had the Predator not killed all of those people in his jungle yet?
You are missing the point a little bit. The Predator is not a killer, he is a hunter. Simply killing holds no joy for the Predator but rather the hunt of the best planet Earth can offer up, a group of elite Special Forces soldiers, or later an "Alien". The Predator race seems to be based around this ideology.

Also, what was the Predator doing there? He was just dropped off by a spaceship, wasn't he? I saw Alien Vs. Predator and I remember the Predators were ritually fighting against the aliens, I think. Was going into the jungle and killing human beings part of another ritual? Was the Predator just some kind of alien hunter looking for trophies? Much is left unexplained in this first Predator movie.
Does everything have to be explained? I like it better when there is a little mystery. Would the Joker be fun to watch if "The Dark Knight" gave us a 10 minute back story on his upbringing? We know nothing about him and he is all the more terrifying for it. I like the old style Zombie movies where there is complete mystery surrounding the coming of the Z as opposed to every modern Zombie where there is an infection or some reason for whats going on.

The Predator also seems to give up too easily, in the end -- which was another disappointment
Bit of a dumb comment tbh. The Predator has a huge log dropped on his head and is clearly dying. I'm sure it is some kind of Predator rule to remove all traces if the Predator is cornered, self destruct as opposed to being captured. This theme is constant through all the Predator movies.

It's strange that Arnold Schwarzenegger did this movie, yet it also adds a lot. Yet I also wonder if the movie could have been better with someone else -- someone not so much a bodybuilder.
The movie works so well because Schwarzenegger is the lead. He is the Ultimate male, Mr Universe how ever many times. Who better to go up against the Predator?

There's not much to Predator other than a lot of badass violence (much stronger even than Commando), a lot of gun action and explosions, a freaky looking murderous alien, some mesmerizing visuals, hot muscular guys in military fatigues, and a standard story in which practically all of the main characters are killed by the villain, leaving a few who are rescued and carted off and then, POOF, the movie's over. Predator probably has good replay value (ask The Rodent for more information about this) -- you could watch it more than once. But what are you really getting out of it?This is a war movie with an alien. If you want a war movie with an alien, Predator is your movie.
So much fail here. Predator is so much more than violence and explosions, in fact the violence and explosions particularly at the start are probably the worst part of the movie. The movie proper starts as they head back through the Jungle, the suspense, being picked off one by one, not knowing what is hunting them. In a way it's like Jaws in that you don't see the Villain proper until near the end. I also love Sonny Landham's Billy character, seems to know that something is very wrong and is very afraid. If anything it's more of a Sci Fi Horror than a plain action movie. The Predator is a legendary movie creation that has spawned several sequels and probably a few more to come.

Also -- the WORST part of the movie -- THE END CREDITS. It's a bunch of clips of each actor in the movie, showing their real name and character name, and they're filmed SMILING. All of them except Arnold Schwarzenegger do this fake, stupid smile. I couldn't believe it - it was ludicrous. One of the dorkiest end credits sequences ever. It just felt wrong. Yeah, they have a lot to smile about -- they all died!
Yeah that is a strange part, but I think other movies were doing it at the time, like it was a trend that faded quickly. For me it doesn't really take anything away from the movie.

Think you have really misunderstood what is a great movie.



We've gone on holiday by mistake
It just looked goofy to me. I mean, part of my problem with Predator is that the group of men tagging along with Schwarzenegger just weren't that interesting and memorable. Perhaps the goofy end credits sequence was put in to give them all something more. But they just didn't seem like fully fleshed out or memorable characters.
I think the complete opposite. The Special forces team is full of interesting characters. In fact you would do well to name a movie that has more interesting side chacters than Predator.

Granted Poncho and Hawkins aren't very exiting but Mac, Blane, Poncho and Dillon all have something interesting going on. Billy has that Indian sixth sense thing going on, understanding the situation better than any of them, Blane is a super badass, with his handheld Minigun "Old Painless", "I ain't got time to bleed" macho posturing.



First it wasn't a "smash hit" at all, it barely broke even at the box office, becoming a fan favourite over the years as opposed to big box office success.
Predator was a huge hit at the time. According to boxofficemojo it took $59m in the States alone. That's four times its budget.

Would the Joker be fun to watch if "The Dark Knight" gave us a 10 minute back story on his upbringing? We know nothing about him and he is all the more terrifying for it.
OK, The Joker is not terrifying. It's ****ing Batman for Christ's sake.

Also, I don't think they're interesting characters at all. They're one-dimensional, which is exactly what you expect in this a genre pic like this. You may like them, I know I do, but that's not the same thing.



"Hey Look it's Masterman"
I agree with both sides here. Predator is a fantastic movie, the characters, the story and of course the action. But Sexy is right in the sense that it doesn't explain much. The predator does come of as a killer, not a hunter. I think the Hunter is more from the movie Predators. I cant slam the movie because it is one of my favourite movies ever, but there are holes in the story that don't get explained.



We've gone on holiday by mistake
I agree with both sides here. Predator is a fantastic movie, the characters, the story and of course the action. But Sexy is right in the sense that it doesn't explain much. The predator does come of as a killer, not a hunter. I think the Hunter is more from the movie Predators. I cant slam the movie because it is one of my favourite movies ever, but there are holes in the story that don't get explained.
There is actually a scene where the Predator does not kill the woman when he retrieves Blane's body, he also doesn't kill the woman earlier when the soldier guarding the woman is killed.

This is alluded to later in Alien vs Predator where the Predator doesn't want to kill Weyland because he is sick, until Weyland attacks the Predator.

You also have the ending of Predator 2 and Alien vs Predator when the head Predator actually honours the survivors.

Although it may not come off so clear in the first movie, surely there can be no doubt that the Predator race is an honourable hunter species as opposed to pure killers.



We've gone on holiday by mistake
Predator was a huge hit at the time. According to boxofficemojo it took $59m in the States alone. That's four times its budget.


OK, The Joker is not terrifying. It's ****ing Batman for Christ's sake.

Also, I don't think they're interesting characters at all. They're one-dimensional, which is exactly what you expect in this a genre pic like this. You may like them, I know I do, but that's not the same thing.
I just remembered watching a documentary about Predator and they referred to the fact that it barely broke even at the box office. I didn't bother to check the actual figures.

Well I think the Joker is terrifying because he shows no fear of anything whatsoever, a man without rules or care for anything, actually enjoys situations where he is in extreme danger. Psychologically terrifying definately.



"Hey Look it's Masterman"
But if it comes to earth looking for a challenge (to hunt)...why does it in the second film go after a chubby Danny glover. I think it was more wrong place wrong time for Arnie and his boy's, I really do.