Girl Problem (cont.)

Just kill her. It works better.

Then get to a stripclub.

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We're soldiers. Soldiers don't go to hell. It's war. Soldiers, they kill other soldiers. We're in a situation where everybody involved knows the stakes. And if you're gonna accept those stakes... You gotta do certain things. It's business, we're soldiers. We follow codes... Orders.

*ruffles hair*

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A devilish combination of slightly bored and quite hungry

A few hours ago she sent me a very provacative picture to my phone of herself. along with very flirtatious texts.


I'm a bit confused, is it possible she just lusts after me? Her Ex and her are not talking, I can't help but feel like maybe he's going the patience route and therefore hes going to win out with her in the end. But I don't know what to say to her "Um, look you asked for space, so now I'm going to give it yo yuou...don't call me anymore"

We were in this fight for like the past 1.5 weeks, finally things are smooth between us, I'm afraid if I reintroduce myself as unhappy with something, shes's going to think "wow nothing makes this guy happy-im out"

Is it possible for me to just "chill out and stop thinking so much" right now? As in just let her call and text..as long as we don't see each other?

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Δύο άτομα. Μια μάχη. Κανένας συμβιβασμός.

I hope you walk away from all of this with your wits about you. I know it is tough (I have been there), but you need to let go man. Just my advice...wish you the best.

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“The gladdest moment in human life, methinks, is a departure into unknown lands.” – Sir Richard Burton

OK, what I am about to say is going to be harsh but it must be said.

The chorus of voices here have said almost exactly the same thing, move along, let her go, move on. Being in the situation, as thmilin said, is much different than being an observer as the rest of us are, there is sense made in both camps. But you continue to torture yourself with her presence in your life. You may not want to hear this but letting her go is probably the best thing for both of you at the moment.

If there is a choice between losing your sanity and losing her, she looses, hands down. Sorry but self preservation alone should prevent you from exposing yourself to this pain. Either she is playing you and your feelings, or she is playing herself by manipulating your feelings to make her feel better about being alone. She may, in fact be genuinely confused, of this I have no doubt, but why pull away from someone who you really love and who really loves you? We are all, to some degree immature. We all want things too difficult to find alone, in the guise of someone else.

But the bottom line is this, the push and pull, the back and forth has increased since you have forced her to come to terms with a distancing. You have to ask yourself why, if she loves you, is she only willing to show it under these circumstances. And if you ask us, you need to consider the very real possibility that on some unconscious level she is playing you, and herself. A break does not mean a free pass to confuse, dismay and cling tighter. It means a break. The provocative nature of her messages seems very odd to me, like she is using her sexual appeal to rope you in, and that is hardly fair, or right.

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"You have to believe in God before you can say there are things that man was not meant to know. I don't think there's anything man wasn't meant to know. There are just some stupid things that people shouldn't do." -David Cronenberg

I give you all my credit




I think I've said all I can say about this situation, Eq. Except, I know it's hard to let go of someone, but it is possible. It can be done, and you can feel better. But you do need to take care of yourself, love yourself.

Being as emotionally vulnerable as you, I have been in similar situations. But understanding myself - my needs, my emotional self, and learning to care for myself and love myself is where I am at now. It takes awhile to get there, and you suffer lots of heartache on the way, but even the journey is worth while. And when you get to a place of contentment, it's the experience and the wisdom that is carried with you...not regrets. You feel like a better person for understanding yourself. That is the human experience. To love and understand yourself -

You will get to a good place Eq, learn to listen to yourself, trust yourself, learn from your mistakes, and share your experiences with others.

ditto...

I'm a bit busy with finals. The situation has cooled down a bit. She and I talk once a day, at the very end and we meet for coffee every 3 days. I'd like to elaborate more on what I think is going on, but I feel as though I should wait until she leaves in 4 days before I mull this over. We never bring up break because she gets all mad if I begin to I asked her about the space and why she wasn't letting me give it to her, her answer was "I didn't want total space, just like 62% space. If I knew that we would basically stop talking to each other then I would never have asked for the space. I just thought space was like chilling out, calling each other often, not seeing each other everday for hours like we used, and limiting the intimacy."

Told her the space wasn't just for her, its for both of us and I enjoy that 'total' space every now and then. She replied with "well, we'll have that during break but for now lets not overdo it"

Ahh. Anyways..As soon as this is all resolved I'm going to make a post dedicated to everyone who helped me and pour my heart out about how much I love this place, as opposed to loving a girl (whose love back for me is questionable).

Hah, sorry, I've been ridiculously busy with finals and never ended up emailing you back with regards to that msn convo. Oops! Sorry that I was a bit useless for all of this, but I really do hope that things are properly cooling down.

But yes, I really apologise for not helping out at all. It does look like everyone else gave out insanely good advice, though

here's to finals!!!!! I have an exam on Wednesday and haven't bothered studying yet...

Good luck to both of you!

mwaahahahah, i stopped having to deal with finals ages ago.

yes, i rub that in.

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life without movies is like cereal without milk. possible, but disgusting. but not nearly as bad as cereal with water. don't lie. I know you've done it.

Yeah been about ten years for me too, finals were the easy part, getting to class was hard.

this was 5 years ago for me. i got to class just fine, the problem was staying awake. i literally fell asleep in small classes of no more than 20.

hee ...

Everything was going SO well. Until finally, today we got into a huge fight she slung some nasty accusations at me like calling me a liar....and then she said in a text "I can't do this anymore, go find other girls which im sure there are alot who want you, goodbye."

Hasn't responded to texts or calls since then.

Ah the amount of pain is more than just unbearable.

Time to get away from her for a while, Eq. I had to do it pretty recently, and it sucks, pretty much every second of every day. It's also helping, though...

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anger is the best medicine. it generally makes you harm each other visibly enough to GET what you knew you had to do but were too stubborn to do.

both of you. now you'll both go be angry at each other, think on the accusations you each made, and give it some space.

it sounds like you're less angry and more surprised. but you might want to look at the meaning behind her accusations and figure out a) why she'd say things if they weren't true or b) why she is feeling nasty about you enough to say those nasty things.

as in, she may not be capable of having a nice healthy relationsihp with you - as i've gone over and over, she may be a mess and will flip between normal and destructive, make drama, and blame others for her drama.

i have known, in particular, one woman who i thought was the sweetest goddess, loved her like a true mother (my first was abusive) only to discover 1.5 years in that she was the most f*cked up person i know when she turned on me and said a gazillion evil untrue things about my actions and hers.

it took that conversation to make me realize she was not a sweet goddess, she was in fact toxic and out of her mind, and that it was healthiest and safestfor us to no longer know each other.

my life has improved 200% since i made that decision.

Dear MoFo,

I am an idiot.

Wow this girl is bad news. Too bad I'm in love with her.

She leaves today for California. Last night she begged and begged me to come over...I was thinking it would be like it used to be. A nice session of cuddling and watching a movie. Instead we remained pleutonic the entire time, went to starbucks hung out at her room, whatever. I ask her if she wanted me to leave at around 9:35 and she said "NO, please don't leave I'm not at all tired so I can be up a while"

So I stick around and we are talking and chit chatting and everything is great until at around 10 she says "You should leave at 10:30pm I'm getting really tired and my flight is tomorrow at 3pm so I need to pack and stuff"

Ok. So I leave, and immediatly she sents me a text message "Are you mad? you were acting kind of funny"

Whatever i blow off the txt message and act normal, she calls me at around 11 pm, and we say our goodnights to each other and she tells me she cant wait to see me before her flight leaves. She asked if I wanted to do breakfast with her, alone, and I said sure.

Well today roles around, I dont hear from here until about 10am and its just a few texts here and there, then silence until noon. So I call. No pickup. She calls back 20 minutes later, "you called?" she demures.

So I ask her if she still wanted to meet up..

"I want to but i don't know if I'm going to be able to, my flight leaves in 3 hours and I still havent packed"

me: "Fine, if you change your mind i'll be home"

And then she gave me some serious attitude.."fine, bye" click.

What the....

Its now 1:30, and I'm pretty sure she isn't going to call or anything, this was the last opportunity to kiss her and to say goodbyw to her. I needed this, I needed to tell myself that it was over and that I wanted that kiss at that airport one. So that I could walk away having closed the chapter of such a great girl in a proper way. But now, she's going to go back home, her last impression of us, not a good one.

Belittled, ridiculed, and completely torn, Yours truely,
Eq

Yeah... I chilled with my Ex last night. It had been a while. We had fun, for the most part. The time apart has helped. Still, she still seems very lost, and we had to avoid certain subjects, so as not to send the evening into a tailspin. It is quite clear that she needs to get through all this stuff on her own. I have sacrificed much for her, I hope she finds...something.

It was good to see her again, though. I miss her.

Just got off the phone with an old ex-girlfriend, the very first one actually.

She told me to send this text to this girl "Don't contact me anymore, I'm stepping away from whatever the hell you want to call this. Take care of yourself."

I'm afraid this will end everything though. Close the doors to everything. But the ex said its the only way to make an active and aggressive approach to this.