Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews

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28 days...6 hours...42 minutes...12 seconds
The two worst Halloween movies have to be the epic turd Halloween: Resurrection. When Busta Rhymes starts kicks Michael Myers' ass all over the place...

Also Rob Zombie's H2. What a horrid mess. Give me the Paul Rudd edition over these two.
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Suspect's Reviews



28 days...6 hours...42 minutes...12 seconds
My thoughts on H2:

Not much of a plot, not much of a film. This sequel punishes those who had any interest in the first and almost immediately kills this re-invented series. The remake of the original is not bad and Zombie did a decent job of bringing Michael Myers to the new century of horror, but with the sequel he seems to have steered too far into House of 1,00 corpses territory.

Why is Michael so terrifying? Well, he use to be that is, because he never had a reason to kill. He just did it. In the words of Dr. Loomis, he was pure evil. Freddy had the revenge thing, Jason has the mommy issues, Michael was just evil. Zombie, on the other hand, seems to have missed this point and deemed it necessary to have Michel do things because of visions he has of his mother and a white horse. Enough with the mommy issues, leave that crap for Jason. Michael got his background story given to us in the remake. He is a sick and disturbing boy, now we see that he has a method behind his madness?

The film's script consists of dream sequence, wake up and scream obscenities. Then we cut to Michael making a trip to Mount Doom, killing people along the way. Repeat this for about an hour. Then have a lame, not thrilling, not scary pathetic excuse for a climax at the end, that takes place in a shed. A shed in which Myers stands still while our main character battles herself and imaginary people. This is the same main character whom people seem to have liked in the first film, here she becomes an annoying crying little emo baby. The film brings back a few character whom we thought were dead from the first film, only to see them die here. Waste? I think so. Purpose? Nothing what so ever. Dr. Loomis has a separate story alongside Myers and Strode. One that makes him look like a total douche bag and seems to have been thrown in to make the film run longer and seem more fleshed out. The problem is that it's paper thin and out of character.

Myers is no longer scary, and neither is this series. The film is laughable and the predictable by the numbers set up and execution will make you fall asleep. After years and years of slasher films, you would think they would want the deaths to be unique and the very least creative. Seeing this horror legends slice and dice is what the fans of the original series want. Halloween II has none of this. All Myers does is stab people multiple times. Grunting while doing so, which also ruins the myth of this character. He is suppose to be this silent killer. With the exception of a face stomp, none of these kills are memorable.

Zombie here seems to have gone backwards in his film-making skills. The whole thing feels like a first time music video director takes a shot at a horror film. The sloppy editing and hand held camera make it almost impossible to see. The darkness of the film doesn't help either. I respect Zombie, more than Eli Roth, for trying to put a new stamp on the horror genre, but this is a horrible mess. Being a member of the Splat Pack, you can expect this film to be excessive in its violence. It is, but it's never really too much, specifically with how filsm are done these days.

This is probably one of the weakest slasher films to have come out in a while. Prom Night is the only thing I can think of that is lower on the scale. Things are left unexplained for god knows what reason. Apparently Myers and Strode share a psychic link to each other? Halloween was an interesting take from a fan of the horror genre on a classic. Halloween II is the same fan's dream, only in his own little weird world. A giant misstep, and this series is already done.




I'd say the only Halloween I enjoyed about as much as the original was H20. It actually focused on characters and Michael was pretty scary in it.



Me too I hated this one used it for a coaster after I bought it for $5.00
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Miss Vicky's Loyal and Willing Slave
Just catching up on some of your reviews. Some great stuff! Of distinction however is your Drive review - one of the more interesting, entertaining and downright weird reviews I've ever read!



Miss Vicky's Loyal and Willing Slave
Just continuing my catch-up with some of your reviews. Fantastic stuff! So much so that I think I'm ready to grant you the huge honour and much coveted title of the most entertaining reviewer on the site. And my personal favourite



The Boy Who Could Fly
(directed by Nick Castle, 1986)



The Boy Who Could Fly is a wonderful fantasy film that deals with subjects such as tragic loss, the death of a parent (and parents), autism, loneliness, bullying, alcoholic overweight teenagers who also played Natalie on The Facts of Life, alcoholic uncles who also played Herman Munster on The Munsters, teachers who are played by actresses that sound like they've smoked too much and are about to lose both of their lungs, and it's even got Louise Fletcher (One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest) as a psychiatrist.

Milly (Lucy Deakins) and her brother Louis (Fred Savage) move into a new house with their mother, Charlene (Bonnie Bedelia). Tragedy has recently struck this small, fatherless family -- their dad had a terminal case of cancer, we find out -- and instead of trying to fight the disease, he simply gave up and committed suicide. In the opening credits, we watch as these three people claim their bedrooms and it's heartbreaking to see Charlene (well, okay, it's heartbreaking after you've watched the movie and already know the story) go into the master bedroom alone without her husband to share it with.

Milly notices an unusual sight outside her window -- Eric (Jay Underwood), an apparently autistic boy that's the same age as her, has taken up shop outside his bedroom window, his arms outstretched before him -- as if he were trying to fly. Later, at school, she learns more about him -- his parents died in a plane crash when he was 5 years old. Mysteriously, as they crashed, Eric started acting like an airplane. He's been an airplane ever since. Milly and Eric start sharing a bond together when she volunteers to throw a volleyball at him during gym class (he won't throw it back.) But he begins to mimic what Milly does and this catches the attention of Mrs. Sherman (Colleen Dewhurst), the deep voiced teacher of Milly and Eric who happens to be an expert with autistic kids. She thinks Milly has the power to bring Eric out of his autistic shell.

As time progresses, Milly works with Eric at trying to reach him, keeping a journal at the same time. It's frustrating work but she is getting somewhere with him. At the same time, she and her family are trying to overcome personal obstacles in their life and the theme of the movie relies on Eric's own struggle as inspiration for all of the people circling around him. But there's more -- what if Eric really can fly? Natalie from The Facts of Life knows some strange stories about him. The film continues as this mystery unfolds, Mrs. Sherman struggles to save Eric from being institutionalized, and Milly falls in love with Eric.

I remember seeing this movie when I was very young on television, but everything that happened in the film was pretty much wiped from my memory -- except I knew it involved a boy at a window. Browsing through my cable TV's selection of movies one night a few months ago, I came across The Boy Who Could Fly, watched the movie trailer and decided to check it out and see what I could remember. Not much clicked as far as stuff I could remember seeing before, but I loved the movie. At first I didn't really like the ending, but I think it's okay now. It's a shame the film isn't really that well known (or is it?) I definitely recommend it.




Color of Night
(directed by Richard Rush, 1994)



Color of Night is a Basic Instinct clone from the era of early 1990's movies that deal with sex and psychoanalysis. It stars Bruce Willis as a psychiatrist named Bill Capa. In the hysterical opening scene to Color of Night, Bill pushes one of his clients - a frazzled, self loathing, drag queen imposter named Michelle (Kathleen Wilhoite, who played a memorable and marvelous psychic in 1986's Witchboard) - to commit suicide. She runs straight to the window of Bill's office and crashes through it, falling to her slow, beautiful, majestically filmed death until she splats on the road. Interestingly, Kathleen Wilhoite died the same way in Witchboard, sort of, when an old male ghost pushed her out of a window and caused her to fall on top of a sharp, spiky sundial she used as a lawn decoration.

As Bill stares at his dead, depressed client from the broken window above, something psychologically happens to him and from then on, he can no longer see the color red. Soon, he is invited to visit an old college buddy (Scott Bakula) in California and he is also a psychiatrist. This guy is running a little support group for wackos, which includes a full cast of character actors like Brad Dourif, Leslie Ann Warren, Lance Henriksen and Kevin J. O'Connor. Also among them is a bizarre gender confused creature - more on that in a moment.

Scott Bakula, who has been getting stalked for some time now, ends up murdered and Bruce Willis ends up taking over his support group for him. He also begins a love affair with an attractive woman named Rose (Jane March) whom he meets -- maybe not for the first time -- when she has a little car accident with him. There is also a VERY annoying cop character by the name of Martinez (Ruben Blades) and I swear to God this character is one of the worst characters I have ever seen in a movie. Anyway, it's plain as day that the seductive Rose is also the mannish/feminine gender confused creature from the support group -- to the AUDIENCE -- but not at all to the characters. In fact, these people are so out of touch that ALL of them are having sexual relations with Rose, although Rose is pretending to be someone else with each of them. Yes, even Leslie Ann Warren has a little lesbian fling with Rose.

The movie is basically about a support group of neurotics that are all sleeping with the gender confused creature while murders are also happening among them. There are also some strong sexy scenes with Bruce Willis and Jane March -- watch very carefully when he's naked in the pool, you can see his penis. There's also a couple of scenes where Bruce is dramatically chased around by someone mysterious in a car on the highway. The movie is much longer than it should be. However -- I've gotta admit -- I kinda loved the film. It's stupid as hell -- I don't understand what Bruce Willis was thinking when he agreed to be in it -- but for a cheesy psychological sex thriller where you see Bruce Willis naked, Color of Night is actually pretty entertaining if you like "so bad it's good" type of movies.

But I really, really do hate the cop character, Martinez, and they could have shown more of Bruce naked. I heard somewhere that in a foreign release, they actually do show more.

I'm sure you've already missed this (unless you watched it for Jane March) but if it crosses paths with you someday, I recommend it if you're in the mood for sex, stalking and silliness.




Bright light. Bright light. Uh oh.
Yes, but mostly silliness. It's not as bad as all the critics said, but I still think it works better as a MST3000 type experience. I'm sure, Sexy, you were constantly yelling at the screen and rolling your eyes.

By the way, Sexy, did you seen director Rush's The Stunt Man?
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Miss Vicky's Loyal and Willing Slave
Nice reviews Sexy. I've not seen (or even heard of) either of them but I liked your reviews and quite like the sound of The Boy Who Could Fly. Will try and keep an eye out for that one.



Colour Of Night...

... strange, badly written, completely transparent in the mystery department... yet still manages to be satisfying nonsense.
And yes, I mainly watched it for Jane March and not for Bruce Willy, erm, Willy's willy, erm, Bruiser's W... I give up.

Nice review



The late 80's/early 90's had a plethora of these films, Fatal Attraction, Final Analysis, Basic Instinct, Single White Female, Internal Affairs, Bound, The Hand That Rocks The Cradle, Disclosure, Jade, The Last Seduction, Sea Of Love, Poison Ivy, The Crush, Bad Influence. I'm sure there are more that I can't bring to mind, as well as plenty I simply don't know about.

Maybe this could be your new season of films, JD?
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Nowhere
(directed by Gregg Araki, 1997)



Nowhere is the third and final part of Gregg Araki's "Teenage Apocalypse Trilogy." The second part was a 1995 movie, which I loved, called The Doom Generation. I have not seen the very first part, yet -- Totally F**ked Up. Another film by Araki that I've seen is Mysterious Skin, an intriguing film about aliens, child molestation and a gay prostitute. There are several more Araki creations which I still need to check out.

This one, Nowhere, was unfortunately somewhat of a let down, but not without some interesting qualities. While The Doom Generation, a radical dark comedy road movie through Hell (starring Rose McGowan at her best), focused mainly on a small group of characters, Nowhere is an all out blowout of people, many played by well known celebrities (Christina Applegate, Scott Caan, Ryan Phillipe, Heather Graham, Denise Richards, Mena Suvari, Beverly D'Angelo, etc.) Most are cameos -- but the weird thing is that they seemed like more than cameos. That's because there's not really any good character development in this film. Bizarre scenes with people come and go, as if in some violent porno movie. The film deals with teens from the mid-90's who are all experimenting with drugs and free love. The lead character is played by the amazing James Duval, a very welcomed addition since he was also one of the leads in The Doom Generation. He spends quite a bit of time in this movie totally naked and/or being stalked by aliens or trying to get his girlfriend (Rachel True) to stay attached to him -- and nobody else. Except for a girl called Egg (Sarah Lassez), who gets raped by a sexy star from Baywatch, James Duval's character, Dark, is really the only person in the movie that you'll care for.

Like The Doom Generation, this movie is also filled with all kinds of crazy quotes spoken by the counter culture teens -- "Blood is cool!" "Dogs eating people is cool!" "I'd rather have my ball hairs burned off with an acetylene torch!" "
Hey Jana, isn't that your muff diving little sister over there with her disgusting boscoe-flavored girlfriend?" "Lucifer, you are so dumb you should donate your brain to a monkey science fair." "This party's about as much fun as an ingrown butt hair." "Isn't sex the best tension release there is? It's like a really good sweaty game of racquetball. Except you get to come at the end."

I am not sure how, as a trilogy, this movie ties in with The Doom Generation, except that they both had James Duval and Rose McGowan and the people speak pretty much the same language. I suspect there is some larger point being made -- one that I think has to do with the youth of America being lost and damaged. But sadly, since I still haven't seen the first film and I haven't given much thought and analysis to the whole thing, I can't say for certain what's really going on and what it all means. I just know that I have seen a lot of gay guys, aliens, drag queens, angry teens, bisexuals and a lot of stuff that is shown on the characters' own TV screens. Nowhere shows a lot of John Ritter playing a TV religious guru trying to get people to call a 1-800 number and be saved through Moses.

All I really know is that I liked The Doom Generation more than this. Perhaps that deserves its own review. Perhaps after I see Totally F**ked Up I can sit down and write something for all of you guys who are so eager to hear what I have to say. In short and brutally honest -- Nowhere is a complete mess of a movie and it's actually more sweeter and sappier than The Doom Generation, which disappoints me. I will probably watch this one again... but in no hurry. The sad thing is I feel like I need to watch it again because I wasn't totally there with it the first time... and that's the movie's fault. Not mine.




Awakenings
(directed by Penny Marshall, 1990)



Awakenings is a fun movie that is, in the end, rather depressing. It's fun because you know that soon enough, all the catatonic people in the mental hospital are going to wake up and become normal. You should know this going in, at least, since the movie is called Awakenings and it would be strange if Robert De Niro just acted like a vegetable the whole time. I mean, it's not like he's Keanu Reeves (sorry, Keanu.) The movie is also - I think - purposely funny at times. When a large, fat black woman starts screaming and going crazy because she sees a pen, I laughed good and full of jolly. Add Robin Williams to the mix as the doctor, Dr. Sayer, a character based on brain researcher and author, Oliver Sacks, and you're practically expecting a comedy on the level of Mrs. Doubtfire (I just had to mention that movie.)

The lead catatonic mental patient in this movie is played by Robert De Niro, who plays Leonard Lowe. This movie is based on a true story, so it all really happened, I guess. Now, in the beginning, when he's catatonic, Robert De Niro is helpless and can't go anywhere. This, to me, was kind of hot. It's like sexy celebrity meets bondage in a loony bin. Although, maybe they don't call it a loony bin, exactly, but some kind of clinic. Whatever it is, I wouldn't mind getting to have total control over Robert De Niro's body. When he eventually wakes up, he tries to escape the place and go after girls -- see? Guys being catatonic is just better.

With the help of a drug that was used to treat people with Parkinson's Disease -- called L-DOPA -- Robin Williams is able to bring Robert De Niro back to life, along with the rest of the catatonic people, who have been suffering from a meningitis related illness. It's kinda like the 1987 movie, Mannequin, where the mannequin in the department store came to life and became Kim Cattrall, except there's no gay window dresser played by Meshach Taylor (Hollywood!) and no message about finding out who you are creatively. But, both movies feature inanimate beings coming to life, then shutting off for awhile, then coming back again, and so on and so on. Randy Newman scores this movie and there's no song like "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" by Starship to be found.

It's a very nice, very enjoyable movie, but like I said, it's ultimately depressing. It tries to give us a hopeful message about the human spirit and I can see why they're doing it... but, here, let me spoil it for ya:

WARNING: "Awakenings" spoilers below
The L-DOPA eventually fails and all the catatonic people, including Robert De Niro, shut off again and become nothing. In a way, it's like they all - including Robert De Niro - just die. And all we're left with is Robin Williams and the ugly nurse (played by Julie Kavner, the voice of Marge Simpson) who wants to get coffee with him and eventually jump his hairy bones. And that subplot felt very thin and underdeveloped -- and not at all interesting.


In a way, I can't understand why Awakenings needed to be made. But, I enjoyed the two hour adventure with these people. It's an easy watch and as far as mental hospital dramas go, this baby is way better than something like the overrated One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, with its dominatrix nurse fetish. I am warmly enveloped by the sensuous, enthusiastic, beastly presence of Robin Williams, the old, good daddy bear of Hollywood. And Robert De Niro is better here than in a lot of other films of his that I've seen. His skill, which earned him an Oscar nomination, is perfected to the point of reminding you of the great Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver -- how unique and memorable that was. This is kind of a blah movie, which if it had starred lesser actors, would have probably flopped at the box office. Bill Murray was apparently a first choice for Robert De Niro's character and that would have just been ridiculous, especially on the heels of Ghostbusters II. So, these are all top performances. It makes Awakenings a sort of mesmerizing movie.





Akatemple... Awakenings is one of the few I'd rate at 100%.

It's extremely good.
A bit cheesie at times but still... extremely well made.

Nice review too...