Who shall Badger with me?

A Lesson to Fledgling Cannibals
(with apologies to the great H. Belloc)

You know -- at least, you ought to know
For I have often told you so
That Cannibals never are allowed
To Lose their Nurses in a Crowd.

Now this was Hannibal's Special Foible,
He ran away when he was Able.
And on this Inauspicious Day,
He Ate her Hand and Ran Away.

He hadn't gone a Yard when -- BANG!
With Slavering Jaws, a Piggy Sprang!
And Hungrily began to Eat
Hannibal, beginning at his Feet.
Now just imagine how it feels,
When first your toes and then your Heels,
And then by Infinite Degrees,
Your shins & ankles, calves & knees
Are slowly Eaten, Bit by Bit.
No wonder Hab Detested It!

No Wonder that he shouted S-H-*-T!
And Clarice Starling heard him Bleat!
Though very young, she quickly Ran
To help the Little Gentleman.
"Prosciutto!" she ordered as she came,
For Prosciutto was the Piggy's Name.
"Prosciutto!" she cried, with Angry Frown.
"Let the Child go! Put him Down!"
Prosciutto made a Sudden Stop,
And let the Dainty Morsel Drop.
And Slunk Reluctant to his Cage,
Snarling with Disappointed Rage.

But as Clarice bent over Hannibal
her Childish Lips began to Tremble
Tears,
For Prosciutto had chewed up to his Head.
The Little Cannibal was Indeed Quite Dead.

Hannibal's Mother, as she Dried Her Eyes,
Said, "Well, it was really No Surprise,
He would not do as he was told."
His father,who was Self-Controlled,
Bade Sister Mischa to Please Attend
To Brother Hannibal's Gruesome End.
"Oh, do not eat the Hand of Nurse,
For fear of finding Something Worse."








[Edited by TWTCommish on 03-22-2001]

I just reread your reply to Unicorns post about
the British. Very nice, the incorrect spelling of
vegetarians was most amusing.

You are one funny motherf**ker




Did you read my discussion with him concerning guns in
schools in the u.s.?



Byeeeeee, now.
___________________________________________
Please don't hate me because I'm beautifu
[Edited by TWTCommish on 03-22-2001]

Hey guys - I'll have to ask you to keep the language fairly light - a few mild swear words are fine, but nothing you couldn't say on network television basically.

Hope that doesn't spoil the fun.

Terribly sorry.



_______________________

Marge: Work called' they said if you
don't turn up for work tomorrow,
then don't bother turning up for work Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo, four day weekend!

No problem at all. Nice signature, by the way.

Hey, I don't know what to badger about anymore. Ancient Coins, throbbing brains, Gary Oldman's haircut in THE FIFTH ELEMENT???

__________________
Pigsnie, Vicar of Fries!

I just saw a episode of the X-Files where there was a genie that could grant 3 wishes? What would yours be?

I can only think of one wish right now. I want to wish to be super smart first before I wish my other 2 wishes. Of couse my friends say being smart doesn't mean you'll be a success. But that it was what people strive for: success.

Or maybe I'd like to able to speak all languages-- this would be great if I became a world traveler. One more whish . . . hmmmm

__________________
Blonde Klingons: Because it was a good day to dye!

Wisdom - for sure.

I am always suspicious of genies. I mean, if you say "I wish there were no more suffering in the world," the genie would likely revive the diphtheria bacterium, and kill us all in a lightning quick & painless 2 second epidemic.

However, if the wishes do not affect other people in a negative way, I would wish for:

1) Unearthly good looks, rather like Jude Law crossed with Russell Crowe crossed with Jeremy Northam, and I would never need to go to the gym. I think I can live with what brains I've got, so I won't ask for more.

2) A long happy life; this wish has to include my immediate family and my dogs and my cat and my turtle in the garden and my future spouse and my future sprouts or I won't be happy.

Third wish. Oi am still thinking. Has to be for the world,
Tom Hanks not included.

Three wishes aye?

Well. just when you thought there was nothing left to
Badger about, we have a great topic.

My first wish would be to sing like Dion Di Mucci.
I know Sinatra was the man, but I really like Dion.

I already have good looks, (stop laughing Pigsnie) but I would like to be three inches taller, that's taller, ok?

I have always wanted to be 5'11.

The third one is, I would love to be able to read other peoples' thoughts. But I would be able to turn it on and off like a radio.

Now, I must take a break from the Net for a while,(about three weeks all up) I have stuff to do and am going to be a wee bit busy.


I bid you all farewell for now.


________________________________
I have nothing to declare but my genius!

Dion di Mucci? Not Celine Dione? Seeya in 3 weeks, Tobs.

Well, my third wish is God for a day. The stuff I mess with shouldn't stay. Like it will be undone or will never have happened after that day. (I think I would really screw up the Universe if the changes I made--took.) But I'd like to remember what it was like to be God and to know maybe 2 dozen secrets of the universe. (Hey, and I can make myself 5'11" for a day.) I'm 21 and I'm 5'10"

Success in your three-week endeavor, Toby. (Doggone it, I think he got on SURVIVOR 3 !!)

By the way, just because I want to look like a combination plate of splendid good looks doesn't mean I look like Olive Oyl, ok? I just want to have all me bases covered, just in case Law, Northam, and Russell all get killed in a ballooning accident, and Steven Spielberg needs a gorgeous Roman sniper to star opposite Gwyneth Paltrow.

God for a day. Interesting wish, Wart, I would never have thought of it meself. Far-sighted also, in that you attach a condition that anything you do as God shall be undone. Think of all the malicious things God could do if He were so Inclined.

I have just thought of my third wish. Forget the world; I just remembered that if, by my wish, the world profits, Bill Gates will become even richer.

Time travel. I want to travel through time. I want to see what killed off the dinosaurs. I want to see the Birth of Christ. I want to see Julius Caesar's assassination. I want to see the filming of YOJIMBO. Yup, that's my third wish. Time travel.

Good idea - on the stipulations. I wouldn't just wish for Wisdom - I'd likely have some stipulations involved so as to not run into any unwelcome surprises.

Wisdom is huge, though! It leads to wealth and prestige and even charm, really. Everyone tends to recognize a wise person.

Does being wise mean being happy? Was Buddha happy? Do you know any wise men, Chris? What are your other 2 wishes?

Pigsnie, if you were gonna go time travel? Would you want to change the past? Would you kill Hitler and Mussolini? If you had a DEAD ZONE like in that Stephen King book--would you do what he hero did? Would you go to the future and see what happens to you?

I do believe I know some wise men - although I would wish for wisdom beyond that. I don't know if it leads to happiness. I don't know it extreme wealth or power lead to hapiness either - I'll have to wait and see, if I can.

Either way, I would wish for Wisdom. I'm not sure if I would wish for anything else. Wishing for wealth or power is a cop-out: you havn't even semi-earned it. IF I wish for wisdom, at least I have to THEN put that wisdom to work.

Wart, I wouldn't touch the past with a 10 foot pole. What's done is done. Yes, it would be tempting to kill Hitler's mother in my long leather coat and super cool sunglasses (I AM THE ONE!), but who's to say what kind of other disaster would ensue? What if Adolf's mother were also the future parent of Dr. Domenico Hitler, who would have grown up one day to discover the whereabouts of the Ark of the Covenant and to cure malaria (which is currently racking up almost 1,000,000 dead per annum)? And what if, amongst those victims who need not have died of malaria, was my very own grandfather who would have discovered a Roman hoard of 500 gold solidus which he would have left to me in his will? (Hmmm, have I been watching too much Star Trek: the Next Generation lately?)

Now, the DEAD ZONE scenario is a little different. Christopher Walken was seeing things that hadn't happened yet, so I would have had no reservations about interfering with Martin Sheen's presidential ambitions. "Hey, Martin, hold this baby for a sec, will you?" As for travelling into the future to see what happens to me, I think I would not do it. I might not like what I see, and then I might do all sorts of things uncharacteristic of my amiable personality and striking good looks.

I am somewhat conflicted with the getting of Wisdom, because Wisdom is the result of life experience, the knowing of pain & misery as well as pleasure & contentment. I don't think we can get it by wishing. By wisdom, Commish, do you mean perhaps that you would like to be All-Wise, All Knowing, the Receptacle of All the Secrets of the Universe?

No, no - I would not want to know all there is to know. I wouldn't really be human at that point. I'd have to use a wish beforehand to wish to be able to retain all of that, or something of the sort.

I would simply wish to be very, very wise. With wisdom I can build riches, power, and prestige, among many other things. It's many wishes in one. Besides, while an unintelligent person may never miss what they don't have, anyone intelligent can tell you they wouldn't likely trade their mind for an impressive body, face, etc. Once you have any sort of wisdom, you wonder how you had lived without it.

I'm thinking that if I was wise, I wouldn't have the need to build riches, power and prestige. Is the whole point of wiisdom--a means of Acquisition? I always thought Wisdom meant that I have reached a certain level of "Being" or "Fulfillment."

I remember reading about monks on a mountain who contemplate mankind and achieve "wisdom" of a kind that they lose interest in food and sleep and die---- there must be different kinds of wisdom but the one I most admire is Gandhi's who chose to use his "wisdom" to effect change in India.

Yeth, I heard about that too. Reach ULTIMATE WISDOM, Nirvana, or something like that, and you end up sitting on your duff in a Tibetan monastery, your arms & legs withering away because you just realized you didn't need all that gym equipment.

A 60 MINUTES Interview with Friar Pigsnie:

Mike Wallace: Why did you choose this boulder for your home?
Pigsnie: No overhead.
Wallace: It must be very windy sometimes.
Pigsnie: Yeah, it gets windy. Just yesterday, one of my hairs flew off. Now, I got six left.

Wallace: I imagine it's quiet here as well.
Pigsnie: Do they teach you stupid questions like this in journalism school? Yes, it's quiet. Up here, eighty years pass like a cloud. We're born, we get interviewed, and then we die. The sutra says, "That which is beyond form is the Buddha." We all have the Buddha nature. But Buddha-hood isn't something that can be achieved in a couple of days. The main thing is to reduce your desires and quiet your mind. Like, I'd really love to have a taco right now. I haven't had a taco since the SuperBowl. In fact, I ate 10 tacos during the SuperBowl.

Mike Wallace: Have you ever thought that you might be making a mistake, trying to achieve Buddha-hood, when you got tacos on the brain?
Pigsnie: A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. YOu can fedex me six for my birthday.

LOL