this is so hard to write but it needs to be said somewhere. today i went off on the guy i call a husband and a father. things were said that needed be to said and it was the truth. poor guy cannot see what its doing to me.. turning my love to hate for him. i don't regret what was said but something has to give soon before i really open up and tell him what he doesn't want to hear. i won't go into specifics but just i feel better by getting some of this out.
Look, I don't really know you or your situation, but I've been on both sides of things like this--telling someone off and getting told off, so for what it's worth, here's some things I've discovered:
No matter what you do or how long you work at it, you can't change people. The only person you can change is you, so either change being bothered by whatever now bothers you or change locations so you're no longer around the person or what he does to bother you.
Now this sounds rude and crude, but it's something that gets down the brass tacks of it all and clarifies the issue. And that's the basic question, is the f--king you're getting worth the f--king you're getting. That's not just limited to sex, of course. It's just a way of asking if what you're getting out of this relationship is worth all the negative load that comes with it? Is there something so wonderful here that you're willing to endure all that you have to put up with? And if not, why are you putting up with it? Someone once told me, if you find love once, you can always find it again. I don't believe in soul mates--I've deeply loved several women over the years. Some I left, some left me, but another love always came along. So don't ever think what you have now is the best you can do because you can always trade up.
Anyway, for what it's worth. Sounds like you've thrown away the pink glasses and you are looking at the real world now. If you and this person can work things out, great--I wish you the best. But sometimes you just can't paste things all together again. Sometimes the smartest thing to do is turn mother's picture to the wall and go on down the road. No sense throwing good love after bad--find someone else who'll appreciate it. Counseling really worked well for me and my wife, and I would recommend it. It helps to have a third party who isn't taking sides and can help you think things through. It would be nice if he would get counseling with you, but if not, go by yourself but then concentrate on what's best for
you.
Main thing, if you decide to stick it out, you both are going to have to work hard to make it better. And if he doesn't believe that and if he is not willing to change himself at least as much as you change yourself--well, it takes 2 people to make a couple. It won't work if only you are making an effort.
Hope it works out for you. Remember, you've got complete strangers rooting for you here!
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don't overdue it 
you Emm