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Ah, toilet paper. That wonderful sweet-smelling, soft sheet of cleanliness. It comes in many different colors, textures and thicknesses. It can be plain, quilted or triple-plyed. It's almost a shame to use such a work of well-crafted cloth. But we indeed do use it... we must!
But the way we use it is as different as the sexes who do. Some people roll and roll, wrapping it around their palms like a prize fighter wraps his fists in tape before a match. Some people just rip off two little sheets just as gentle as you please, fold it over and apply. While some others layer their wad, piece-over-piece like syrup over pancakes. Still some wad it up into a ball as if making carnations for a parade float. I've also heard of people moistening their paper paradise with water before they sit down for that ultimate clean feeling!
And then there's saying goodbye--the water burial. We all hope we've used just enough to stay clean, but not too much that it stops up the hole at the bottom of the John. But we learn. We learn how much is too much because we've all been at a friends house, used their commode (we just couldn't hold it in any longer!) and watched as the water level of the porcelain God rises, rises and seems to stop just at the brim before it begins to flow like a park fountain over the sides and onto the floor as we think, "I hope all the dirty stuff got through". But our friends, God bless 'em never, never seem to have a plunger and we begin to sweat, thinking of the exact words to express to them exactly how this could have happened. But of course we don't admit to our over-indulgence of their Charmin, we instead ask if the toilet "has had any problems before."
Well just a few thoughts on our modern miracle, toilet paper.
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I have been formatted to fit this screen.
r66-The member who always asks WHY?
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