Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Review #1: LAST HOLIDAY (d: Wayne Wang)

http://www.reelingreviews.com/lastholidaypic.jpg

It's shocking that this wasn't Queen Latifah's last movie. Alright, it wasn't that terrible, but what was with the stupid doctors who appear in this movie? I'm gonna give the secret away:



Queen Latifah stars at Georgia, who works in a department store. She has a huge crush on L.L. Cool J (which is understandable, I almost wanna buy his new workout book for the pictures), has a jerk of a boss, has a kid (at least, I think that was her kid... if it wasn't, what was he doing alone while she was living her final days in France? I don't remember)... anyway, she's a small town girl with big dreams of making it big as a chef.

Cancer comes in. She quits her job, breaks the cell phone of her mean boss, receives a lot of money from a bunch of bonds her grandparents were saving for her or something like that, and flies to France to stay at this really expensive hotel. It's amazing that she didn't cash any of those bonds earlier... I mean, she spends A LOT of freakin' money! She gets new clothes, she orders everything on the hotel menu (bad Latifah), she even gives colonic irrigation treatments away to stuck up hotel cleaning ladies (that's expensive).

Because of her decadence, she is mistaken as a very wealthy, powerful business leader by another man staying at the hotel who's a corporate retail powerhouse. He sees her as a possible threat and maybe even a spy. This leads us into scenes where the two compete at sports and such. Queen always wins. However, she believes that ultimately she will lose, and soon, to the fatal disease she believes she has. L.L. Cool J goes racing to France after her and it's a battle between him and the imaginary disease, whichever gets to her first.

The point is you shouldn't wait until you know you're about to die to actually go out and live. Queen Latifah seems to want to die completely bankrupt, although she does put away a little money for her funeral, though she says she'd like to be cremated. "I've spent my whole life in a box... don't wanna be buried in one." Yeah, right. You just wanna spend that money on another round of meals and maybe some expensive jewelry. I know what your character is thinking, Queen.

I give it TWO STARS.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fnnucnk0UrU

Watch Queen enjoying one of her many luxuries that she spent quite a bit on.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Great review Jason. Love the You-Tube link method. Thanks!

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Review #3: Let's Go To Prison (d: Bob Odenkirk)

http://www.thephoenix.com/uploadedIm...ide_prison.jpg

Let's Go To Prison.... that's basically what they do. Dax Shepard plays a man who's been in trouble with the law ever since he was a kid. Countless times he's been to jail and doesn't seem to mind going back. Enter Nelson Biederman IV, the son of a legendary judge who has passed away. Daxy gets Nelson thrown in jail... then Dax gets himself thrown in jail (in particular - with Nelson in the same cell) just to watch and enjoy what happens to Nelson. That's Nelson and his prison lovemate, Barry, in the picture.

Nothing really funny happens. You've got your basic straight man being romantically courted by one of the other bigger guys in jail scheme. There's trouble when a crazed, white supremist psycho wants to kill Nelson. The warden and the prison guards are macho jerks who like to punch the inmates or throw them into "the hole" for no apparent reason. What I got out of the movie is that you shouldn't go to jail. It's not a picnic. Of course, this movie doesn't really show you what it's like to be in jail. I hear it's far worse.

It was like an R rated version of Ernest Goes To Jail (which is PG).

I give it HALF A STAR.

Nobody in jail would wanna watch this during monthly movie night.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcsbAqBZXFQ

"Move This" by Technotronic is played often in Let's Go To Prison. I bring you the music video because it's better.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Have always loved your totally unique take on movies Sexy… and as soon as I can rep again, I owe you some brownie points… :)

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Congrats for making it into the member reviews section.. now to work on mine to get in!

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Review #4: Blades of Glory (d: Josh Gordon & Will Speck)

http://gfx.dagbladet.no/pub/artikkel...1175503097.jpg

The blades in this movie are pretty rusty. They skate on familiar movie territory. Something I did like about the film were the skaters' costumes. I also liked the comical, yet homoerotic first dance sequence when Will Farrell and Jon Heder skate together on the ice. But is this a funny movie? Not very. I laughed a few times, nothing hard, no uncontrollable laughter. But pity the poor film, it tries - or yet, maybe, it doesn't try even to be something above and beyond. What were Will Ferrell and Jon Heder doing together in a vehicle like this? It's an old, used car.

Perhaps it's just a movie trying to fit in with the current gay rights, gay positive movement, which you know is OK by me. It's never occurred to me that two men have never skated competitively together before. While these guys aren't homosexual, they're certainly giving a big nod to men who love men. There's even a gay (unconfirmed, but you know he is) man in this movie who is obsessed with Jimmy, played by Jon Heder. He is a sort of flamboyant groupie. His obsession kinda irked me. I'm not Mr. PC here, really, but was it necessary to make this character say sick and twisted things? In one scene where he's alone with Jimmy, he mentions killing him and wearing his skin. Um... did I just walk into Texas Chainsaw Massacre On Ice? The bizarre death fetish doesn't end there, folks. The whole point of the movie, really, is whether or not Jimmy and Chazz (Ferrell's character) can pull of a skating stunt that involves the blade of one of the skates coming very close to the other skater's head, without chopping it off. Their coach shows them a video of when it was attempted before and some poor female figure skater gets decapitated. Seriously, they can't make a funny movie, so what's with the psychotic gay man and the deadly I-might-chop-off-your-head stuff?

There's also a dull, not very interesting subplot where a man & woman skating team want to do everything in their power to stop Chazz & Jimmy from winning. This also involves the woman's sister, a nice young lady who falls in love with Jimmy, but is torn between love and her sister's demands that she sleep with Chazz in order to make Jimmy and Chazz mad at each other and not skate. The witch sister's controlling tactics include reminding her good sister that she is somehow responsible for killing their parents. Again with the deaths! They aren't funny - especially the male partner, who was annoying. They could have not been there. Might have made a better film - one in the tradition of The Silence of the Lambs.

So, yeah, I laughed here and there. But I really think my body was just trying to laugh at something. It was like a laugh trying to be a sneeze. Or is that a sneeze trying to be a laugh? But I did enjoy their beautiful (at first) homoerotic dance number, and I also got to see Jon Heder in his underwear - which was nice, by the way. His hair here is a major improvement over the Napolean Dynamite hair. I could understand his stalker's obsession... just not the "I wanna wear your skin" stuff...

I give this movie ONE STAR (and I think I'm being generous, but something about it feels like it deserves at least one star).



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4npe3SGJQAc

Blades of Glory....

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

I am finding these reviews very entertaining, but I am starting to wonder why you wanted to see these movies in the first place since they all seem to suck so much :)

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Keep 'em comin', oh Sexy One! :D

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Jesus Camp
http://bloggbilder.aftonbladet.se/im...9e96a65d20.jpg

Ooga mae blasha dakka don ulay, bogay dulee shempenlo googee googee, rocklana smosha pestardah wilsee googee boo twos rockma recli hasher da...

Oh, sorry! I was speaking in tongues! Yes -- thought I'd try doing a movie review a little differently, but I see you're staring at me all funny, wondering what the hell is he saying. Well, let me just translate:

Oh my god, I cannot believe what is going on in our world after watching "Jesus Camp". As Susan Powter would say: STOP THE INSANITY!!! I mean, really... this is child abuse! Look at the picture above. Little girl starting to cry. Why?

And that's when I stopped speaking in tongues. To continue -- Why?! Well, obviously she's traumatized. But to Becky Fischer, the director of this particular Jesus Camp for Kids, and the rest of the Nutter Butters, she's only overcome with strong emotion and devotion to want to heal the planet by becoming a personal warrior for Jesus Christ. See, Miss Becky here wants to build an army much like the committed Taliban/terrorists/whatever, over there on the other side of the world, the groups focused on sacrificing themselves for Allah and the multitude of sexy virgins they're supposed to get after death... Becky wants that in America, only they'd be nice (I guess?) and try to fix the world... for JESUS!

Highlights of the movie include a visit to the camp from United States President George Bush... in cardboard standee form. The kids reach out for that thing like zombies (which they sadly... are). There's also a scene where Becky demonstrates how she teaches the kids to not have wicked thoughts. This involves molds of a brain, slimy stuff and a sickle.

http://www.xmission.com/~tyranist/ho...oftheCorn3.jpg

Don't worry, it was plastic.

Oh, and there's also a slightly erotic scene when Becky is alone in a bathroom, slowly applying hairspray to her short, blonde, lesbian attracting hair. Beck then comes out to an audience of kids, hair all spritzed, and she asks them, "Whaddya think of my hair?" Thus making her the campiest character at Jesus Camp!

And speaking of lesbians and camp, there's Ted Haggard, who I just learned has recently stepped down from his New Life Church ministry because of a drugs and gay sex scandal. I did know this while watching the film... (hey, news like that isn't shocking enough for me to pay attention to)... so, when he said, "Well, that's FABULOUS!!" twice... and he even mentioned something about a boy being cute, I believe... I was like, GOTTA BE GAY! The way he said "fabulous"... he had it nailed. More nailed than Jesus.

The filmmakers did a great job showcasing these monsters/Jesus freaks/child abusers/hairsprayed hotties/closeted homosexuals/darling people with a cause... a cause and a... plastic sickle... and a cardboard Bush.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JECP9qzjmF0

Becky Explains It All. Sorry, no closed captioning in tongues available for this Youtube video.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Boynton Beach Club
http://www.seniorcitizen.com/wp-cont...ub_still_3.jpg
(2005, directed by Susan Seidelman)

Here we have a great little movie about senior citizen widows and widowers who find new loves. Set in a little Florida community with lots of old people, we examine the folks who go to The Boynton Beach Bereavement Club. There's Dyan Cannon as Lois, an interior decorator who's definitely the sexiest of the bunch. Brenda Vaccaro as Marilyn, whose husband is killed in a stupid accident that could have been prevented, and boy is she angry. The uber fabulous Sally Kellerman as Sandy, who goes full steam ahead with hooking up with Len Cariou as Jack (pictured above, buying something interesting at CVS).

http://www.hurrellphotos.com/images/...mages/216b.jpg
* Sally also goes topless in this movie. Look out for that.

Susan Seidelman, the director, is the one who brought us She-Devil, the campy revenge flick with Roseanne and Meryl Streep, as well as Desperately Seeking Susan. Here she also serves as co-screenwriter, bringing us a tale that is apparently based on true stories.

I found Boynton Beach to be a delightful little cookie that takes the old people routine seriously and doesn't give us simply stereotypes. Although it does feature little old ladies who ride on funny bicycles over to newly single old men's houses to give them casseroles and their best "I'll take care of you from now on" smiles. It also features a lesson in online matchmaking, driving, watching porn, safe sex, and being honest about yourself.

In the end, you'll realize that life does not end when you're over 60.

I give it a B (for Boynton Beach) and + (for 50+)

Or:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v42zHOa-7as

Boynton Beach Trailer.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Firecracker
http://www.makingthemovie.info/image...ckerposter.jpg
(2004, directed by Steve Balderson)

What's more freaky to you? Colorful carnival freaks or dark, small town nutty people freaks? Firecracker brings the banal and the extraordinary together in a tale about isolation, being kept in one place, and the desire to be free. Karen Black puts in a supreme dual performance. She's a small town religious mother with two teenage sons and a husband who might as well be in a coma. She's also a sweet, kind yet trampy looking carnival mistress/freak exhibit. Her freakiness is not quite explained fully (at least, I didn't think it was) but it has something to do with her sex organs, which all I know have been mutilated. Anyway, she has two lovers - one is one of the teenage sons, the other is with the carnival and is basically her owner. They are both played by Mike Patton.

Jimmy (played by Jak Kendall, the guy in the picture above) is the other teenage son, the weaker one. He goes to see Sandra (Karen Black's carnival freak character) and forms a friendship/bond with her. Scenes set at Jimmy's house and other locations in the small town are filmed in black and white, while scenes at the carnival are in brilliant color. We learn some more things about the family and the freaks and then suddenly we're faced with the murder (or is it just a disappearance?) of Jimmy's brother, David. From then on, police woman Ed (Susan Traylor) is busy bugging Karen Black as Jimmy's mother Eleanor for information on where David is.

I need to watch this movie again... thankfully, I own the DVD... but I've only viewed it once so far. There may be some things I missed the first time, but I think I got enough to write up this here review. Other characters include a psychic young lady, or whatever she is, who lives by herself (free, no one controlling her) in the field, apparently getting signs from mirrors or something she keeps in trees. It's all kinda weird and if you like odd films, this may be for you.

I give it a C+

Or:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5Jq5oGV6kw

Firecracker trailer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLZ2E6UhSIo

Thought you might wanna know who The Enigma is. He plays himself (in a fictitious way) in Firecracker as one of the carnival freaks.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Batman and Robin
http://thecia.com.au/reviews/b/image...nd-robin-7.jpg
(d: Joel Schumacher, 1997)


Ahhh, Batman and Robin. What everyone refers to as the worst Batman movie. An abomination. This year marks it's 10th anniversary. To celebrate it, here's a review from me to you.

I bought the two disc special edition last night at FYE. Only $12.99! Usually it's around $27-28 anywhere else (except maybe online), and they had it on sale so I couldn't pass it up. This movie is high camp! As you may or may not know, one of the villians is Poison Ivy, played by Uma Thurman. Her weapons include PHEROMONES and poisonous lips! The other is Mr. Freeze, played by Arnold Schwarzenegger! Yes, the current governor of California. Here he's a mad scientist in a heavy armored suit that keeps his body at 0 degrees (due to an accident, he needs that to stay alive). Poison Ivy and Mr. Freeze team together to kill Batman and Robin, freeze Gotham City, kill everyone on Earth and then rule the world as the only two people alive. "Adam... and Evil!" as Mr. Freeze states.

This movie also introduces Batgirl, played by clueless Alicia Silverstone. But enough about her.

The real star of this caped crusader campout is Uma as Poison. She's a saucy red haired vixen who pops up continuously to turn Batman and Robin into horny, weak kneed fools (mostly Robin, though). She's also followed around by this monstrous man made bodybuilder/killer named Bane who repeats select words from Poison Ivy's dialogue. Such as:

POISON IVY: Enough monkey business! We have work to do!
BANE: (growls) Monkey work!

Batman and Robin's conflicts also include whether Batman will trust Robin enough to handle himself well and stay alive whenever they're out fighting. Also, their poor humble servant, Alfred, is becoming sick with a incurable disease called McGregor's Syndrome. Alicia pops up as his niece, who finds the bat cave and suits up as Batgirl. The suiting up scenes are also very campy and hilarious as the camera is totally without shame. In close up, Batgirl zips up her boots... but there's absolutely no reason for the camera to move up further and show off her butt! Next, she turns around and shows off her bat breasts (covered - in leather!). Batman and Robin also flaunt their assets when they suit up during the opening credits. This is the second time this happens in the series, as Joel Schumacher directed Batman Forever and also decided to put nipples on Batman and Robin's chest armor.

The film is completely littered with crazy dialogue for all the characters, but particularly Mr. Freeze and Poison Ivy. If you're up for it, it can be a laugh riot in a stupid way. It's a rather colorful film, but I can tell now that it's become dated. A lot can happen in ten years. However, I insist that, if you already haven't, be brave and watch it at least once.

MR. FREEZE: Alright, everyone! CHILL!

I give it a B for Batman.

Or:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhVrB0bcr50

EVEN CAMPIER: Someone made a little video with all of Poison Ivy's best scenes and set it to Britney Spears' "Toxic". A must watch!

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

I agree with the comments on UMA, she actually played the role perfectly. As for the rest.....*barf*

2/10.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Excellent! I don't think I've experienced the Kellerman thrups since M*A*S*H. :D

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Catch and Release
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/121/3...90dcc6ef9c.jpg
(Directed by Susannah Grant, 2006)

What a great title!!! It's like advice from the movie itself: If you happen to be walking around outside and a DVD of Catch and Release happens to fall out of the sky and you catch it - RELEASE IT FROM YOUR GRIP IMMEDIATELY!!! It is not worth holding on to. Hopefully if there's ever a Catch and Release DVD meteor shower like event, it will happen over an ocean and no boats or lunatic swimmers will pick it up.

Not only is there not an ounce of Tim Olyphant nudity, there's also not even any sense to what these people do! Well, except for one scene where Jennifer Garner is furious at Tim for lying to her, so she slaps him. She tries to slap him a second time, but he stops her mid-b**ch slap and pins her against the wall. She then KISSES HIM!!! That to me makes a lot of sense because I was turned on. But anyways...

Kevin Smith is in this film and all he does is eat! There is a scene where they find him passed out in the kitchen and it turns out that he took a whole bottle of pills to kill himself with. I personally believe he just ran out of food and decided to eat the pills! But I'm not trying to be rude about Kevin Smith. I think there's actually a sexiness to Kevin Smith that many people dare not admit about. It's just that his character constantly eats. When he's not eating, he's fishing... makes sense (#2!). He wants some fish to eat!

The film is about the revelation that Jennifer Garner's recently deceased fiance had a kid with a masseuse in Los Angeles and she had NO IDEA. Juliette Lewis pops up as the blonde bimbo masseuse, with kid in tow. She makes Jennifer Garner and her friends eat all sorts of vegan/organic food at an outdoor dinner party while she gives her kid a McDonald's happy meal. Basically, within a few hours or less of Jennifer getting to meet her fiance's masseuse mistress, they already become bosom buddies.

OH, BUT WAIT UNTIL YOU HEAR ABOUT THE FIANCE'S MOTHER....



So yeah, don't catch Catch and Release. Catch the plague, first!

Oh yeah, and all the folksy songs they constantly play during the movie are very, very irritating. It is like a folk music concert. Ahhhhh, life! Friends, fishing, drama, death, life, food, food processors... purge all the negativity out! Take a life laxative!

Urgh.
I give it a D. Or:

No YouTube vid allowed for this movie.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

live free or DIE HARD
http://us.movies1.yimg.com/movies.ya...is/diehard.jpghttp://www.nndb.com/people/231/00002...n-smith-sm.jpg

It is bizarre how this fourth entry in the Die Hard series feels kinda like Catch and Release, the movie I reviewed before this. Both star Timothy Olyphant and Kevin Smith. It's like they walked off the Catch and Release set together, grabbed Kevin something to eat, and then went to the Live Free or Die Hard set and said, "Hey, do you need actors?"

I liked Live Free or Die Hard... quite a lot, actually. But then, I haven't seen all of the other Die Hard movies yet, so it was exciting in a new way. No, I am not a die hard Die Hard fan.

Timothy Olyphant and Kevin Smith certainly helped keep the picture interesting for me, but really now, Timothy Olyphant as the villian? Doing all that he does villianously? Please. He is too cute and soft faced to be that evil. A psychotic movie nutcase in Scream 2, maybe. But a mastermind taking down America? Not likely.

And while we're at it... Maggie Q. The sexy, skinny minnie who's Asian and kills without remorse. Wouldn't you just love to see her kick Bruce Willis' behind? She is so badass that she scared the rest of her last name away until it became just Q. How come she's working just a tad under Timothy Olyphant? Just a tad. They're lovers, but he's the boss. She could kick his butt too, without a doubt. I bet in the bedroom she's very rough with him. Unfortunately, that's not shown in the movie.

Kevin Smith appears late in the film as a geeky hacker who calls himself Warlock. There is a scene where he introduces John McClane to the cyber world, which he doesn't understand. No, they do not visit View Askew. But where was Jay at? What about Alanis Morrisette as God? Maybe she was in the background, perhaps being the reason John McClane survived every mode of transportation that tried to kill him. From elevator to fighter jet.

Despite the fact that it had a gooey gummy worm of gorgeousness and Asia Carrera's boobless body double as the most diabolical masterminds of terror, along with Kevin Smith, I enjoyed the movie a lot and might pick up the DVD upon its release.

I give it an A-

Or:

YIPPEE KI YAY, MOVIE FORUMS.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

TRANSFORMERS
(d: Michael Bay, 2007)
http://www.ropeofsilicone.com/Images...ansformers.jpghttp://untruenews.com/unimages/nun.jpg

Today, we're going to do something different - an interview with an audience member for Transformers, who will give us her thoughts on the film. Yes, she is a nun. Her name is Sister Mary Lobdale (pictured), she's 61 years old, has only been married to God for 11 years now, and boy does she look psyched after seeing Transformers. Sister, what did you think of the movie?

SISTER M. LOBDALE: (dancing her way over to me) Oooooo ooooo oooooo!!! I loved it! Loved it! LOOOVVVVVVVVVVED IT!

SEXY CELEBRITY: What was so great about it?

SISTER: Everything! I can't tell you how MARVELOUS it was! Only God could possibly express -- in words we don't even know, in languages nobody on Earth can speak -- how simply brilliant this film is!

S.C.: I see. So, you left church to see this movie?

SISTER: Mr. Celebrity, I don't think you understand. This movie was a religious experience - not just to me, but to everybody. I mean, look around. Happy faces! Young people beaming from ear to ear with joy! You don't get that kind of spiritual uprising anymore. It's fantastic.

S.C.: When was the last time you saw a movie?

SISTER: When Sister Act 2 came out. (makes a thumbs down gesture) It went straight to hell. I did come close to seeing Passion of the Christ but I was worried that I'd need a prescription for Prozac afterwards, so I stayed home.

S.C.: I don't really get the... the love for this movie. To me, it's just a movie. I mean, I was never a fan of Transformers. I didn't watch the show growing up. I didn't have the toys...

SISTER: Well, sir, you missed out. I had the toys, I watched the show... before I moved into the church, that is. I was a big fan. Look at my cross.

Sister M. Lobdale shows me the cross around her neck. She messes with it and it turns into a wooden transformer.

SISTER: Ta-da! RoboGod. I'm always protected with RoboGod around my neck. And nobody else knows about him! My sisters are such boring, lifeless Mary mannequins. I mean, they're here too but they went to License To Wed. (rolls eyes) Strike me dead.

Thunder is heard from outside. Sister M. Lobdale yelps and starts praying.

S.C.: Well, sister, we need to wrap this up. Tell me, what would you grade Transformers?

SISTER: AAA! Triple A's! WAIT! Make that A MILLION A'S. God can do miracles! A million miraculous A's for this film!

S.C.: And how many Hail Mary's?

SISTER: ZERO!!! Somewhere minus zero even! HAIL OPTIMUS PRIME from now on!

S.C.: Well, thank you, sister. Maybe if I run into you again, I'll get another review from ya.

SISTER: GOD BLESS EVERYONE! Please! Go to the movies and see Transformers! It'll transform your soul! You'll go to heaven!

S.C.: What about people like mass murderers, suicide bombers and Britney Spears?

SISTER: .... They will at least get a glimpse of it.

S.C.: Well, that's certainly enough. Thank you, Sister Mary Lobdale!

She waves goodbye to everyone, as if a camera was there filming her.

RATINGS:
Sister Mary Lobdale:

Sexy Celebrity:

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Quite possibly the best film review ever.

:yup:

Praise Optimus!

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

My Super Ex-Girlfriend

http://www.worstpreviews.com/images/...girlfriend.gif
(directed by Ivan Reitman, 2006)

Uma Thurman is one of my favorite actresses. Here she plays a kind of mentally unstable superheroine in a ridiculous, off the wall, and frustrating film. My super ex-girlfriend? Okay. Why did it take SO LONG for her to become the ex-girlfriend?!

Early in the film, Uma, AKA Jenny, AKA G-Girl, meets Matt (Luke Wilson) when he saves her purse from being stolen. Excited about having a man finally be a hero for her, Jenny starts dating him. Without him knowing it yet, Matt enjoys some superhero sex with her. It's wall banging good. Pretty soon he discovers that she is G-Girl, the town superhero. An hour or so into the film, they FINALLY break up. She throws a shark at him. Then he's getting the help of G-Girl's nemesis, Eddie Izzard, to stop her crazy antics.

I found some things funny. I can't quite remember what those scenes were. I do recall her being hit by a bus (or a car?) and being thrown through the air and surviving without injury. This is funny because Matt hasn't found out yet that she's a superhero and he saw the whole thing. The ending was rather lackluster and totally predictable if you just think about it. I was surprised more by the fact that Ivan Reitman, who directed Ghostbusters, also directed this. But then again, he also directed Kindergarten Cop.

But in all serious, the real highlight of this movie to me, besides Uma, is the scene where she takes Luke Wilson's clothes off in front of people in a boardroom and he stands there bare a$$ naked. Now that was truly super. Plus it helped explain why Uma went so psycho about losing Luke. She wanted his tight butt back! 'S understandable.

Anyway, let's evaluate this. Uma was fabulous. The story was crazy. The plotting was slow and didn't work with the movie title. Luke Wilson got naked. Eddie Izzard played the villian and he was actually sorta nice, except for when he almost killed Luke Wilson. Bad Izzard! It had Anna Faris, but why is she always in these more lame comedies, like Just Friends? She stole that whole movie with her scenes and rightfully so. However, she doesn't steal any scenes in Ex-Girlfriend. She is more subdued, more tranquil - normal.

I give it a C+

Or:

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Love!
Valour!
Compassion!
http://www.lazydork.com/movies/lovevalour.jpg
(directed by Joe Montello, 1997)

Alright, maybe, if you know me, you're thinking this is one of my favorite films and I watch it all the time. I mean, look above - men in tutus doing Swan Lake. As a matter of fact, I've only seen it once, just recently. Netflix delivers. I have to say the best thing about it is Jason Alexander from Seinfeld. He plays a great gay guy (a flaming one) and it's odd because he's... George Costanza.

The story follows a group of guys who spend time together at a big house in a country owned by some hairy man (I can't remember his name) and his blind lover. Don't let the blind guy fool you. He can see perfectly well with his wandering eye... which leads him right into the perfect pecs of super stud Ramon. Ooooooh, sightless gay drama.

Costanza, as well as actor John Glover, who plays twins, have AIDS. At least, one of John Glover's twins do. The other one is just totally addicted to bondage and domination sexual roleplaying games. He's also a bit of a grouch. It's interesting. Anyways, so George Costanza and John Glover twin with AIDS form a special bond together. They dance, they sing, Costanza kisses John's Kaposi's sarcoma lesion... because he knows that soon enough he'll have one himself, so he might as well accept it, and it's a very touching scene. Very touching. You feel the emotions in your lips.

I'm going to hell.

Anyways, so Jason Alexander makes the film. He's fun and full of life. He's in full on sister mode. Elaine Benes is more masculine than him here. But when was Georgie ever that masculine on Seinfeld anyway? He was always sorta weak.

Watch Love! Valour! Compassion! sometime! Especially if you're gay. If you're bisexual, watch half of it. If you're a lesbian, skip this and watch D.E.B.S. Alright, I'm only joking. Anybody can watch it.

But I must warn you.

You see Jason Alexander's bare bottom in this.

Closeup. For a moment. From a distance is longer in time.

I wasn't bothered by it, but maybe you will be. There are actually lots of bare bottoms featured in L!V!C!. More than that, even. Yes, there's even a peek at the other side. And we're not talking Poltergeist/Zelda Rubinstein other side. But you know what? No female nudity. In fact... I don't think there's even a single female actress in the film. Not one. In fact, the only woman I remember even being mentioned only pops up to drop dead. Seriously. I won't say who, but she's someone's sister (like, a REAL sister, with XX chromosomes) and she's dead before you know her. So, this movie is about men. Men only. MEN!

Transformers is more girly than this because it had Megan Fox.

I give Love! Valour! Compassion! a B! For boys, bras, blindness, bondage, butts, bros, and bonobo monkeys... which don't appear in this movie, yet I feel I should mention them because they frequently have gay sex. And they deserve a movie someday.

http://www.scienzz.de/magazin/upload...onobo_kuss.jpg
*smooch*

Oh yeah, this movie could also be rated

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

The History Boys
http://www.playbill.com/images/photo...ysmovie460.jpg

It's England in 1983. A group of young guys who attend grammar school are studying, studying, and studying with their teachers to pass exams to get into the finest universities, Oxford and Cambridge. Oh yes, and there's also field trips, good talks, motorcycle rides with Vernon Dursley that include free ball groping, French plays with prostitutes played by an overweight boy, and musical numbers performed by a lovelorn gay teenager that will bring tears to your eyes.

Writer Alan Bennett adapts his Tony award winning play, The History Boys, into a movie directed by Nicholas Hytner and the result is an interesting, different, metamorphic kind of movie. I never saw the actual play, but the original cast played their roles for the film. It's an upbeat jolly fest with moving musings on education, history, life and knowledge. Then, there's the music. Throughout the picture, pop songs from the 80's, such as The Clash's "Rock The Cashbah", play, though without lyrics. The lovelorn gay teenager sings "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered" in class, aiming his words at Dakin (Dominic Cooper), his romantic interest.

Frances de la Tour gives a delicious performance as history teacher Mrs. Lintott. Richard Griffiths plays Hector, the general studies teacher that "the history boys" adore, and which he adores quite a lot too. There's quite a lot of homosexuality throughout the film. Hector's married and closeted; Posner (Samuel Barnett) is the gay teen; Irwin (Stephen Campbell Moore), the new teacher, who has quite a large role, has an attraction to Dakin; Dakin, himself, stuns a character later on in the movie with an offer that doesn't involve womankind. It all certainly is a reason why I enjoyed the film, and thus it might not be for everyone.

At the end of the movie, someone dies. I won't reveal who. As they say in the movie, history is just one f---ing thing after another. We also find out what happens in the future to the history boys, what became of them, if they went to Oxford and Cambridge or not. It's a happy, fun picture but it's also chilly regarding some things. Still, the lesson is, history is just one f---ing thing after another. Pass it on.

I give it an A.

Or:

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix
http://www.canoe.com/divertissement/...terphoenix.jpg

It's been about a month now since I've seen the movie, so I'm late with this review. However, the film is still doing well in U.S. theatres right now, although it's probably in its final week/s of major showings.

This is really my first true introduction to the Harry Potter series. Although I had watched snippets of Sorcerer's Stone and Prisoner of Azkaban (I have now watched all of P.O.A.), I hadn't read any of the books (at the time I watched Order of the Phoenix in theatres - I've now read Half-Blood Prince & Deathly Hallows). Gosh, what an obnoxiously long, complicated sentence that was, but who cares - I'm tired. It's almost midnight. It's been a long day. But oh, hello insomnia, my old friend.

Currently my avatar here is of Helena Bonham Carter as Bellatrix Lestrange. If you're reading this and it's past 8/14/2007, chances are likely that the avatar above is not of Helena Bonham Carter, as I like to change my avatar often, and with different people/things depicted in them. But anyways, isn't Helena fab at Bellatrix? She is such a kooky woman, all wild hair and wicked eyes. Helena, who is currently with child (the daddy is Tim Burton), is the perfect flesh and blood actor to take on playing Bellatrix. And now onto the movie itself...

Well, I can really only compare it to Prisoner of Azkaban, since that's the other one I've seen all of so far. I like Order of the Phoenix more. Delores Umbridge is such a fun evil character. Didn't you just want to kill her?! By strangulation? Seriously, she was so evil!!

http://www.somethingcools.com/film_n...potter5-01.jpg

Because I was clueless about the series while watching the movie, I thought she was going to turn out to be Lord Voldemort in a disguise. Voldemort in Delores drag. That, of course, turned out to be not the case.

Good grief, you mean to tell me this was adapted from an 870 page book? Surely, not everything in the book was put forth into the movie, right? I'm not certain yet if I'll have the patience to read that one since I've already seen the movie and I've read Deathly Hallows and now know all of the secrets in Potterland. But I hope I'll master that mammalian paper monster sometime in the future.

This movie will require a second viewing from me, but I'm not sure how many more after that. Hopefully a bunch, but who knows? I'm looking forward to the Half Blood Prince and Deathly Hallows movies.

I give this movie....

Nighty nite.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

http://everywallpaper.com/data/707/m...es_01-1024.jpg
Palindromes
A film by Todd Solondz, 2004


Palindromes is a movie written and directed by Todd Solondz and is basically a sequel to his 1995 film, Welcome To The Dollhouse.

http://www.franksreelreviews.com/rev...edollhouse.jpg

However, this movie opens at the funeral of Dawn Wiener, Heather Matarazzo's character from that film, as she has committed suicide. Poor girl. So, she is seen nowhere in Palindromes. But, her brother from Welcome To The Dollhouse, Mark Wiener (again played by Matthew Faber) appears in a few scenes.

And what is Palindromes about? To put it simply, a thirteen year old girl named Aviva wants to have a baby. She thinks babies are cute and she would love to have one and give it lots of love. Also, Aviva has just come from Dawn Wiener's funeral with the knowledge that Dawn killed herself after finding out she became pregnant from a date rape. Dawn didn't want to bring someone into this world who might be as unloved as Dawn felt all her life. Aviva fears the possibility of being like Dawn... a person who'd kill their baby.

Later on, Aviva shows up at the house of some of her parents' friends. The teenage boy who lives there shows Aviva his bedroom. Soon after, he's had sex with her and Aviva becomes pregnant this way. Horrified by what has happened to their young daughter, Aviva's parents take her to an abortion clinic where a doctor disposes of Aviva's unborn child. Hurt and upset afterwards, Aviva runs away from home and has adventures that are, well, weird (see the picture above).

The oddest thing about the movie is Aviva is played by several different young actresses. First she is a young African American girl. Then she's a young redheaded girl. Then she's another young redheaded girl. Then she's a young brunette haired girl. Then she's a very obese African American girl. They interchange every so often.

The movie deals with pedophilia and a girl who is odd sexually. Todd Solondz couldn't get any studio to back the picture, so he basically paid for it out of his own pocket. I thought the movie was going to be pretty shocking with its content because of that, but actually it wasn't. The sex act is shown, but there's never any nudity.

It's actually pretty funny at times if you can laugh at strange things. It may seem like the wrong thing to laugh at, but it is a Todd Solondz film. I figure, yes, it is appropriate to laugh at this. Yes, I can't help it if an armless little woman is singing and dancing with a microphone headset on and I start to laugh. Yes, it's funny when a character called Mama Sunshine tears up while telling a story about a legless kid who managed to run away from home.

I had no idea Welcome To The Dollhouse had a quasi sequel until just a few days ago. If you liked that movie, or if you like strange films in general, give Palindromes a try.

I give it

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

SUPERBAD
(d: Greg Mottola, 2007)
http://www.austinchronicle.com/binary/fc4a/Superbad.jpg

SUPERBAD!

Hearing that word makes me think of Pam Grier leaving the residence of the evil lady pimp Katherine Wall after making a very special delivery in Foxy Brown (1974). The song "Foxy Brown" is cued with a man exclaiming, "SUPERBAD!"

Here we are in 2007 where Superbad is the title of a movie, a surprisingly good movie, the kind that didn't make me check my watch for the time every 15 minutes. Superbad is, simply put, the love story between two guys. No, not in a Brokeback Mountain sense, but maybe that will be the case in the sequel. We shall see. Seth (Jonah Hill) and Evan (Michael Cera) have been BFF (best friends forever). They're seniors in high school, but next year they will be apart as they're going to different colleges. When Evan gets to college, he's going to be roommates with Fogell (Christopher Mintz-Plasse), their uncool geek buddy in high school. Superbad is about a night where they're all out to get some alcohol so they can party on with the hot chicks... only, getting some alcohol is not an easy task for these guys to accomplish. No, not at all.

While not the most hilarious film I've seen, Superbad had my full attention and kept me guessing about what might happen next. There's a great scene where Seth goes into a grocery store to steal some liquor. A porky piggish security cop is in sight. What happens next? Tell you, I shant.

This is also the only movie I know of that features an end credits montage of penis people drawn on notebook paper. Sorry if that's a spoiler (I don't think it is), but I just had to mention it. The frank discussions of sex is franker than ever, but in a more light hearted, historical way. Superbad is, afterall, in my opinion, the modern teenage sex film, but with a twist. Although the guys are after some nookie, and nookie scenes do make their appearance (one girl, who is drunk, is great in a scene where she goes crazy with lust), in the end it's all about helping a young lady with her makeup choices. You'll see.

I actually think that Superbad might be one of this decade's best films.

But I'm only going to give it a


I need to watch it again. Watching Superbad is a unique experience. Even the guy I saw it with didn't know what to think when it was over. It might have been the last scene. But I spent a lot of time watching Superbad weirded out by the fact that this isn't usually my kind of film and it was doing OK with me. Maybe it works better on a human level. A group of guys in front of me kept laughing at the oddest, most unfunny things to me, and I finally thought, well, maybe they're laughing because they relate to it.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Thanks for the review SC! I keep hearing good things about this film... I might just have to watch it when it hits DVD!

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

SAW IV
http://www.austinchronicle.com/binary/e95e/Saw4.jpg
(Directed by Darren Lynn Bousman, 2007)


Disappointing.

On other movie forums, this film's twist ending was hyped up a lot as being "the biggest, most shocking twist yet". Far from it. In fact, it's the absolute worst... IT'S ALREADY BEEN DONE BEFORE!

On the other hand, it's a decent film to watch.

The psychotic Jigsaw lays dead on an autopsy table, but his games are not over yet... for SWAT Commander Rigg, from the previous films, has been put into a game where he must choose to save the lives of people and then try to save his friends (Donnie Wahlberg & Costas Mandylor).

Saw IV also travels back in time to show us what motivated Jigsaw to start testing people in his torturous games... and we meet his ex-wife, Jill, who in the present time is being questioned by an FBI agent about Rigg's game.

There are plans for a Saw V and Saw VI, but will their twists be as bland and "been there, done that" as Saw IV's and even Saw III's?

Hell, you know what? I need to spoil the ending for you. Here we go, if you want it....

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Mixed Nuts
http://www.lazydork.com/movies/mixednuts.jpg
(directed by Nora Ephron, 1994)


The holidays are here! Break out the season's greetings greats from your movie vault and go to town! (on a sleigh, of course)

Skip that boring, can't-take-it-off-television-on-Christmas A Christmas Story and try watching something a little different, like Mixed Nuts, the 1994 Nora Ephron flick.

Steve Martin, in his most unfunny role, Madeline Kahn and Rita Wilson work for a suicide hotline that operates in an apartment they're renting. Clients include Juliette Lewis, a nut who works at a costume store, Liev Schreiber, in drag, and Anthony LaPaglia, as Lewis' boyfriend. There's also Adam Sandler as a nutty neighbor and Garry Shandling as the apartment landlord who wants to throw all of his tenants out.

The funniest scenes include Madeline Kahn, as Mrs. Munchnik, getting trapped in an elevator and resorting to playing with a kid's toy drum set that has built-in rap/hip-hop music, in order to get someone's attention, and Liev Schreiber as Chris dancing around the suicide hotline apartment to music.

Oh, and there is also a murderer on the loose, known as the Seaside Strangler, and Mixed Nuts includes a few "suspenseful" scenes involving that subplot.

Since Mixed Nuts can be found at stores like Best Buy and FYE for around $5-6 right now, it's a very good possibility that a friend may buy it for you or it'll appear in your stocking on Christmas day. To most people, it'll probably be like getting a lump of coal, but there are a few rare individuals (like me) who would cherish it. Just remember: the DVD says it comes in widescreen & fullscreen on the back cover, but in reality the disc is only in fullscreen. So, yeah, the coal gets lumpier.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

The main thing I seem to remember from this flick is a bird in a cage. I think it was a parakeet, but something happened to that bird, and it's the most [NON?-]memorable thing about the movie, at least for me.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

RE;Addidasssssssss

Heres an Idea, hows about you use this movie site for talking about movies. Not for attacking other members.

I amaze myself sometimes, I dont know where these great Ideas come from
oh.....
oh....
oh...
hold on, heres another (two in one day you lucky man).

If you dont like sexy's reviews
THEN
DONT
READ
THEM.

Ps; sexy I enjoy your reviews,theyre refreshing and not pretentious. (Its so rare that someone actually gives their opinion as opposed to just saying what will make them look good)

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Em...here's an idea (that's "idea" without the capital I so I guess it's not as good as yours); learn how to edit your posts so you don't come off looking like a bigger moron than you actually are...mkay?

Oh and no, I don't read Sexy's reviews, thanks. Read the first one and decided it wasn't my cup of chai.http://www.gay.hr/web/smilies/peace.gif

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Very understandable, You didnt like them. there was no need to insult sexy.

(I have quite bad dyxlexia, im sorry if things in my posts are spelled wrong or have symbols or capitals in the wrong places, stating that I am a "moron" is just ignorant)

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

You're a moron because you double posted, n00b. Look at the previous page...:rolleyes:

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Ooops, that doesnt make me a moron, why am I arguing with a 12 year old anyways?

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

yea, sorry bout crudding up your thread, I just get iritated when people resort to insults because they cant constructively criticise something.
Sorry again

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

The Brave One
http://www.slashfilm.com/wp/wp-conte...s/braveone.jpg
(directed by Neil Jordan, starring Jodie Foster, 2007)


Jodie Foster, as Erica, and her boyfriend are brutally attacked by thugs one night in the park. The boyfriend dies as a result, but Erica lives - battered, changed, and thirsty for revenge.

She gets herself a gun and becomes New York's vigilante, taking out criminals she comes into contact with, left and right. Meanwhile, she starts to have a relationship with Detective Mercer (Terrence Howard - who is very hot, by the way). Soon, all New York can ask is, "Who is the vigilante?" Erica, a radio show host, takes their calls and gets New York's opinion (not New York from VH1's I Love New York) about the vigilante.

Erica finds herself plagued by flashbacks of her own killings. She even starts to tape record the audio from her outings. The Brave One focuses on the unlikely hero - a woman, a female radio talk show host, a woman who's been through hell, had her life taken away by crime.

It is the perfect role for Jodie Foster, someone who loves those power-female-feminist roles. But it's not necessarily the perfect movie. A few scenes here and there dealing with Erica's pain and loss, accompanied by music, are a bit too unnecessary for this here Sexy Celebrity. I am not completely sure if the film's ending is perfect. There were also a few other things that I thought were silly, though I can't remember the part that made me actually say out loud, "THIS IS SILLY!"

Miss Thang (Erica) is lucky to keep getting away with everything she does. If you're into movies that deal with justice and you want to see a bunch of bad guys get murdered by a woman who wants to clean the streets, The Brave One needs to be at your number 1 spot in your Netflix queue RIGHT NOW.

I give it a B (for bang, bang, you're dead).



P.S. Jodie Foster has never looked better (except in the above picture). Lesbians, check this movie out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtiI3vCX3qg

^^ Jodie on Letterman, promoting the movie.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

In The Shadow of the Moon
(dir: David Sington, 2007, starring astronauts)

http://geschichten.sternenkratzer.de...rmstrong01.jpg

For me, there is no greater moment and achievement than when Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin and Michael Collins left Earth and traveled a great distance to go to the moon and walk on it. I am proud to be living so close to the time it happened. I may not have been alive when it happened, but it was only fourteen years before I was born. Wow!

In The Shadow of the Moon is a documentary featuring ten Apollo astronauts who talk candidly about what it was like to be on the moon (except for Apollo 13's Jim Lovell, you all know what happened with that - I hope). It is a spectacular film, filled with all sorts of videos from the past.

I have often wondered what it takes to make someone want to go out there and do such a dangerous thing. You think it's not dangerous? I certainly think it is. I'd call traveling to another world via a little spacecraft for the first, or second, or third or fourth time a little dangerous. As fearful Apollo 12 astronaut Alan Bean put it, "Death was mere inches from my face. I knew if the window shattered, I would be dead within a second." I sure wouldn't want to be in that spacecraft! That's something Quentin Tarantino couldn't make death proof!

Intelligently, if you're an Apollo astronaut, you know you're going to the moon, but emotionally, it doesn't hit you until you are on your way. Then there's actually getting near the moon, only sixty miles away from it. One of the astronauts, I can't remember who, said the moon looked scary, uninviting, uninhabitable, cold, dark and not friendly. Meanwhile, Earth was a beautiful, delicate looking ball in the distance that the astronauts could cover up completely with their thumbs. All of the world's problems - covered up and vanished by a thumb. I don't think that's something we could fully understand emotionally unless we had done it ourselves. Alan Bean said that when he came back to Earth he went to malls and just watched people, enjoying being around people, wondering why so many people hated their lives. He says he loves every day of his life now.

Anyway, I'm revealing too much about what was said in the film. I think you should all check it out and see the whole thing for yourselves.

I give it an A for Apollo.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFH0w9_EiL0

Apollo 11 - on the moon.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Sex and the City
http://l.yimg.com/img.movies.yahoo.c...in_davis13.jpg
(2008, directed by Michael Patrick King)

I realize that few people who visit Movie Forums will be going out to see Sex and the City: The Movie (which is a shame), so I'm just gonna make my basic points:

** This movie was a hell of a lot better than Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

** Judging by the long lines I saw this weekend (Saturday @ 1:30pm right after my 11 am showing ended), this is the Star Wars for women.

** It was delightful. I swear I may not see a better film this year.

** It's a great movie, but it will definitely work more for you if you're already a fan of the TV show.

** My only real complaint is that they could have done something much better with Kim Cattrall's 'Samantha' character...

** I usually enjoy Roger Ebert's movie reviews, but his review for this movie made him sound like an old fart.

** This movie is ... not like most other movies being made today. They did a good job in turning the show into a movie... making it FEEL like a movie. It is a visual and emotional masterpiece, a high sensory experience, an old, classic love story.

** I hope you'll watch it sometime.

Grade: A+

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

What a fantastic review thread SC! Seriously. An around the world and back *SNAP* for you!.

I am one of those that won't be seeing Sex and the City, just because I never got into the show. I'm curious if you have ever been lucky enough to experience the brilliance of Absolutely Fabulous? Now that is a show about women that I love, Sex, not so much. Just a little too vanilla for me. But AbFab... pure awesomeness. Yes I said awesomeness. :D

Anyway great job on your reviews, keep em coming.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

The Love Guru
http://www.dollymix.tv/timberlakeguru1_468x429.jpg
(this was directed?, 2008)

I want to warn you right off the bat that this isn't a movie review.

No. This is a GARBAGE CAN review!! And it's a garbage can that has really fallen apart and needs to just be taken to a bigger garbage can. This is Oscar the Grouch's first house, the one he has bad memories of. THE ONE THAT MADE HIM GROUCHY!!!

Mike Myers stars in a movie that I believe, if I checked the facts, he wrote himself. It's kinda like Austin Powers in that vein, but in my opinion, far from it. I liked the Austin Powers movies... and I thought that instead of The Love Guru, he should have just made an Austin Powers 4. Or, hell, Wayne's World 3, even -- resurrecting old movie serii (my word for "series" gone plural) is in vogue right now. strike a pose

There really isn't one thing about the movie to blame in particular for its absolutely abysmal, boring, life draining, soul sucking qualities (which, by the way, come in large quantities, in case you worry about the quantities). I do want to blame Mike Myers himself for this time wasting travesty. Doesn't he realize how godawful this film is?

I sat in mortal shock last night noting that on Facebook, there's a Love Guru fan page that you can use to let everyone know that you're a fan of this movie. There are about 4,000 fans of it, I believe. Browsing the page's Wall (where fans can leave comments), I noticed people saying things like, "This is the funniest movie ever!" and "I needed this movie! It made me laugh and laugh and laugh..." You NEEDED this movie??? And it made you laugh???

You know what, though? Good for you. I'm glad it made you laugh. I'm scratching my head wondering why, though (pretty hard scratches too, I'm using Freddy Krueger's glove).

If you want a movie with penis jokes... and more penis jokes... and even MORE penis jokes... and you know what? I like penis. I don't mind hearing about penises all the time... but when a movie starts making me want to root for the rise and sudden triumphant law and order of the VAGINA JOKES... 'cause the penises are pissing me off (!!!)... something is wrong with the movie.

And I don't think I need to tell you anymore than that.

I give this movie .

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

The Bucket List
http://i.l.cnn.net/cnn/2007/SHOWBIZ/...art.bucket.jpg
(Directed by Rob Reiner, 2007)

*throws hands in the air* I don't know what to say!

Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman are dying. They wind up in a hospital room together and are eventually told that they have a few months to live. Jack's a rich guy who owns a hospital, Morgan's a not-so-rich guy who spent his whole life as a mechanic, fixin' up cars.

Remember when I reviewed Last Holiday, the Queen Latifah movie? This is basically the same sort of movie, except Queen's death diagnosis turned out to be false. Not the case with Jack and Morgan. Using Jack's money, the two set off on the adventure of a lifetime. They skydive (with the help of CGI), they visit the pyramids, they take a trip to Hong Kong, they breeze through the wilderness of Africa - they do it all! They fly to the North Pole... and, after all is said and done, they go kaput.

Is there anything worth a merit or two for this film? Not really. I expected something thought provoking, heart wrenching, tear jerking, positively moving... nope. Just a lot of trips around the world and worries about what family members are thinking. Since Morgan's off adventuring with Jack, his wife is jealous and mad at him for leaving. At a time like this, how could you blame her? Meanwhile, ol' Jackie boy has a daughter he hasn't seen in awhile, since he sent some men to beat up her abusive boyfriend.

Sean Hayes has a silly role as Jack's assistant and there were times when I wanted Karen Walker from Will & Grace to just walk in and steal a scene. What is Karen Walker's opinion about what to do with your remains? Burial or cremation?

Sometimes death stories can teach us important lessons. For example, I loved Tuesdays with Morrie (though I can't really remember its important lessons at the moment), the book by Mitch Albom. What did I learn from The Bucket List? I learned that coffee is sometimes laced with cat urine.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Mrs. Doubtfire
(DIRECTED BY Chris Columbus, 1993)
http://www.filmhai.de/kino/kinoplaka...btfire_005.jpg

A completely random review to kill some time.

I watched it again not too long ago (on a new "Behind The Seams" DVD release, also on Blu-Ray). It never gets old.

Robin Williams throws his son a madcap birthday party, complete with farm animals that wreck the house, and this turns out to be a big mistake. Sally Field divorces him and takes almost full custody of the kids. When she puts an ad in the paper looking for a housesitter, this leads to Robin turning to his gay makeup artist brother into turning him into Mrs. Doubtfire, a hip old granny from England who can cook, clean, read bedtime stories and make sure the kids get their homework done. Of course, Sally Field, and her new beau, played by Pierce Brosnan, aren't supposed to know that Mrs. Doubtfire is really Robin in disguise.

Set in the luscious San Francisco, Mrs. Doubtfire is full of life and includes plenty of timeless scenes, such as Robin Williams trying to quickly change back and forth between his male character, Daniel Hilliard, and his faux female character, Mrs. Doubtfire, when the old social worker who's checking up on him comes to visit. There is a pie in the face and another face that ends up on a road, where it is flattened.

Yes, it is one of those movies where a man dresses up as a woman, which there are plenty of. I bet Eddie Murphy was pretty pissed that he missed the opportunity of acquiring the rights of Alias Madame Doubtfire, the book by Anne Fine which Mrs. Doubtfire is based off. But this is one of the better crossdressing movies, I think, and it's a shame that there aren't any midnight screenings of Mrs. Doubtfire, just like The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Imagine all of the Mrs. Doubtfires going to that. AND THINK OF THE THINGS THEY COULD THROW!! Pots and pans, a broom, hot jambalaya, dusters, FRUIT!!! "It was a run by fruiting!" And everybody could throw a pie in their face and shout, "HELLLLLLLOOOOOOOO!!!!"

I think we should organize a Mrs. Doubtfire midnight screening like that! It would be fun! WHO'S WITH ME???

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

SAW V
http://blogs.seattleweekly.com/threa..._V_for_web.jpg

OMG why is everything looking so HTMLy as I'm trying to make this post... not happy about that...

Happy about Saw V though. It was better than Saw IV.

....... what is going on with this HTML in my post.... I never saw that before...

Um, okay, back on track. Jigsaw is back... even though he's still dead... he died in Saw III.... (!!!!!).... but the games are still going on. More people are being tested and there is a new bad guy. His name is Hoffman and the actor that plays him is sexy. I think his name is Costas Mandylor or something.

The film's twist at the end was a little disappointing again, though it was somewhat different, I guess. Despite the film's flaws, it left me more excited about the next sequel, which is supposed to be the last one. Saw IV didn't do that for me as much.

The Saw series is an ongoing Halloween soap opera. It's very disappointing to have to wait an entire year to see what happens next, but whatever.

Supposedly the Saw series ends next year. This is no doubt the horror series of the decade.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

I'm still going to give The Bucket List a try. Especially since you rated Saw V so high. ;)

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

i love Mrs. Doubtfire. it never gets old.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Synecdoche, New York
http://www.dailycal.org/photos/20081...cdoche1-01.jpg
Written and Directed by Charlie Kaufman


Oh, dear....

The people in that picture look just as confused as I do.

First of all, I still haven't figured out how to say Synecdoche correctly. Second, WTF was this movie about?!

2002's Adaptation, written by Charlie Kaufman and directed by Spike Jonze, is one of my FAVORITE movies ever. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was OK, but could have been better (and btw, I totally want that procedure right now). Being John Malkovich and Human Nature were also good.

But Synecdoche, New York, Charlie Kaufman's first movie that he's written AND directed, is beyond me. Maybe it was the couple of alcoholic beverages I had consumed - I had also spiked my large Pepsi with Captain Morgan rum. But gee whiz, I was lost...

We begin with Phillip Seymour Hoffman living life as a theatre director with his wife and little daughter, who poops green poo. After the wife leaves him and some woman moves into a burning house and Phillip starts having seizures and all sorts of other strange plagues, the little girl who poops green is suddenly a very tattooed woman who strips and dances naked at a strip club for her father. Later on, she's in a hospital, having a conversation with Phillip Seymour Hoffman using hands free microphones.

Phillip (whose character name is Cayden?), ages and starts building a replica of Synecdoche, New York somewhere in, I think Germany? Next thing you know, he's casting people for parts of people he knows, and he even meets someone who's playing him. He gives everybody notes about what to do and it's sort of like he's God.

People die, people sleep with each other and then eventually it all fades to white.

I have no idea what it's about.... it was kinda boring.... I need a book to help explain it to me.... viewer, beware.

Other movie reviewers seemed to really like it.

I was just.... help, please.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

"Sin-neck-duh-key", but really fast. :cool:

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

That is definitly an intresting list. I like seeing Rambo up there.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Oh boy ...

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Milk
(2008, directed by Gus Van Sant)

http://www.themovieblog.com/wp-conte...8/05/milk2.jpg

Oh, I love milk. Thank God for cows. You know what I especially like? Chocolate milk. I like it by itself. Screw the cookies, I don't need the excess weight.

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm supposed to be talking about Milk, the new Gus Van Sant movie starring Sean Penn and that walking orgasm, James Franco.

Well, Milk turned out to be a bit of an educational experience for me because I knew hardly anything about Harvey Milk, the first openly gay man to be elected public office in California as a member of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors.

I knew that Milk was eventually assassinated, but when and how I wasn't sure of, so his death scene in the movie caught me off guard. I treated the film like Clue, totally hoping for Anita Bryant in the voting booth with the lead pipe.

But, anyways, Milk is a gay rights movie about what went on in San Francisco back in the 1970's. Can you believe that San Francisco once wasn't so hospitable to gay people? Which brings me to an idea for Alien 5, where Ripley and a space team land on an inhabitable alien world, run for public office and eventually all of the aliens stop eating mankind. A great way to end the series - other world peace!

This is one of the better gay films I've seen in my life. Always nice to see a mainstream movie about homosexuals -- although, HOW mainstream is Milk, really? It's only playing in like two theatres around the DC area.

It was hot to watch Sean Penn make out with James Franco. BTW, male nudity lovers, you see James' bare buttocks on display as he swims across a pool, but that is all. :rolleyes:

Some scenes caused my mind to wander... I naturally get bored with politics. Sometimes it was simply wandering because James Franco showed up and I fell down a well of Nirvana. A recent ex boyfriend of mine resembled James Franco in a way to me, especially when he had the curly hair in this film, so I was feeling both excited and murderous, which is a deadly combination. But, could Franco be the next Brad Pitt? Time will tell.

Overall, this movie left me feeling proud to be a homosexual. When I left, I took to the streets and marched all the way to a nearby gay bookstore, where I proudly purchased some gay porn.

On the way out, I wondered if the cashier had been a man or a woman.

Freedom is great.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Love your reviews Sexy, glad you are back doing them :yup:

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Prayers For Bobby
(directed by Russell Mulcahy, 2009)

http://www.pridesource.com/cgi-bin/s...e=_DSC9765.JPG

This is a movie that you won't find a movie theatre, but you will find it on the Lifetime Network (TELEVISION FOR WOMEN!) It had a "red carpet premiere" last night on Lifetime at 9 PM, then it replayed again at 11 PM, and it's sure to be on again and again, so look to Lifetime for the movie. A DVD will most likely be released eventually.

Sigourney Weaver, that magic, mystery actress who somehow has the ability to keep me watching this TV movie from beginning to end, plays Mary Griffith, the mother of Bobby Griffith, a teenage boy who realizes he's gay.

After Bobby confesses to being gay to his sexy older football player brother, Ed (Austin Nichols), the cool older bro tells mommy Sigourney, and she sends Bobby off to a blonde, dominatrix psychiatrist, who says "You just need to be around more girls!"

Mary is Christian, and she lives in fear that Bobby's homosexual "sin" is gonna keep the whole family from being together in the afterlife, cause from what she knows, Bobby will be burning away to ashes in HELL. For eternity. I've never understand how you could burn forever in hell. I guess your soul doesn't disintegrate, it remains intact and feels the painful heat for... for forever?

Anyway, this doesn't count as a spoiler since you see it happen first thing in the movie -- Bobby eventually commits suicide by jumping off a bridge and getting hit by a semi truck. Mary can't stand the thought of Bobby being gay, he runs off to San Francisco, starts dating a guy named David...

Now, I know I have no business judging these people (it is based on a true story), but Bobby does commit suicide right after seeing David exit a gay bar running around with a cute blonde boy... and David wasn't returning his phone calls. The movie, through flashbacks before he falls to his death, shows Bobby killing himself because his mom won't accept him being gay, but did they ever think that David had something to do with it? There is a scene where David appears after the funeral to shake Mary's hand that pissed me off.

Mary eventually comes to learn that being gay won't send you to hell, thanks to a gay friendly church, and she eventually joins PFLAG (Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays), leading up to the final scenes of her giving an emotional speech in a court room and then marching with PFLAG to support her dead gay son.

The storyline is very well known, very "been there, done that".... AT LEAST FOR ME. I know that I have already conquered coming out of the closet, but there are still lots of other gay kids out there, in small towns all over the USA, with religious families. Maybe Prayers For Bobby will do some good.

It is a strong, powerful vehicle for Sigourney Weaver, who has always been sort of a gay icon anyway (especially for lesbians, lesbians really like Ripley...). I was sorta hoping that every now and then in the film she'd stop, turn around, notice an alien sneaking up behind her, shoot it dead, then return to her bible.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

I'm honestly surprised at the fact that it's directed by the man who directed Highlander.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Yeah, that kind of freaked me out too because Mulcahy was as frenetic as all-get-out in Highlander and Ricochet, and here he is making a Lifetime movie!

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

I saw the advertisement for Prayers For Bobby when I was flipping channels last week and thought it looked interesting... but forgot to watch for it... anyway, thanks for sharing your thoughts on it Sexy...

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Thanks Sexy :) it sounds like a sad story :yup:

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

To me, Casino Royale was a masterpiece, unlike any Bond film made.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Fanboys
(directed by Kyle Newman, 2008)
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_OkNbhAFu3n...boysPoster.jpg

For all I know, this is the first period piece about movie geeks -- it's set in 1998 and follows the cross country road trip of four Star Wars fanatics who are on their way to George Lucas' ranch house in California to steal a print of Episode 1: The Phantom Menace.

I am officially old again. Watching a party scene set in 1998 with Chumbawamba's Tubthumping ("I get knocked down, but I get up again, You're never gonna keep me down") took me back. Has it really been ten years since Episode 1 came out?? The 20-something year old geeks, played by Sam Huntington (Eric), Chris Marquette (Linus), Dan Fogler (Hutch) and Jay Baruchel (Windows), have a countdown to the release of Episode 1 on their little calculator-like thing....

But oh no'z! Problems start to arise when Linus is diagnosed with some kind of terminal cancer and probably won't live to see Episode 1. Also, Eric's dad, some big used car salesman honcho, wants Eric to take over the business, which means wearing a cowboy hat. To escape their problems, they all take off in Hutch's Star Wars van and head to California.

There's a fight scene between the Star Wars geeks and a bunch of Star Trek Trekkies -- don't blink, Sam Huntington pulls down his pants and moons them. Straight guys and lesbians, the lovely Kristen Bell, as Zoe, moons them later. She also wears a sexy Princess Leia outfit later on.

There's prostitutes, Harry Knowles, Jay & Silent Bob, William Shatner, gay Indians, Six Days, Seven Nights billboards... alright, that's all I'm gonna reveal.

I really liked it. I didn't laugh much -- a chuckle here and there, but the audience laughed up a storm. I'm harder to please. The film isn't playing in many theatres, which I thought was a shame. I knew absolutely nothing about it going in and I'm glad that I didn't leave to sneak into Friday the 13th.

Look to see if it's playing near you. Sexy recommends it. If you're a Star Wars fan, an absolute must.

BTW, Yoda, you're in it too -- as an elevator.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

You think ten years goes by quick? Just wait until another ten boogies on by and then you realize that the original Star Wars is almost 50! Where does the time go? It's a trip how it flies by when we're busy living.

Thanks for another fun review.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Two Lovers
(directed by James Gray, 2008)

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Hx3mab52Bl...3EB232ED37.gif

Supposedly, this is Joaquin Phoenix's final film before he takes off with his mega successful hip hop music career that will be revolutionary and make you forget he even starred in a few films early in his life.

Here he is with Gweneth Paltrow and Vinessa Shaw, his two lovers. He's a nice Jewish son, depressed, suicidal, cuts himself, tries to drown himself. He's back living at home again because his fiancee left him - something to do with both of them having a gene that would kill their babies off early in life. He works for a dry cleaning business and there's about to be a merger with another couple, and wouldn't ya know it, the owner has a daughter (Vinessa Shaw), a nice Jewish girl that has a crush on Joaquin.

But across the building in a window that looks directly into Joaquin's room is the blonde, slutty, drug addicted Gweneth Paltrow, who lives in an apartment paid for by her married boyfriend. She is the one that makes Joaquin turn into a horny, love starved dog, while Vinessa Shaw is just the one his parents want him to marry.

What will happen?

I thought it was great. If it's true that Joaquin's movie career is over, well, :(. Hopefully there will be more David Letterman appearances. (or non-appearances...)

Joaquin certainly has something special about him and Two Lovers proves it, although sometimes I had trouble understanding what he was saying. It moves at a comfortable, enjoyable pace - it's 108 minutes long.

It's apparently on In Demand cable, which is scary - what is a movie that's out in theatres doing on cable? Is this going to become the norm??? It is happening already?! I saw it in a theatre (big, sexy rebel I am). But if it's not playing around you, I heartily recommend paying the small price to rent the movie through your In Demand pay-per-view service. Make it a Joaquin night!

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Fanboys sounds great. Geeks and 90s nostalgia, what's not to like? :)

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Chapter 27
(directed by J.P. Schaefer, 2007)
http://videogum.com/img/thumbnails/posts/chapter27.jpg

In December, 1980, lead singer of The Beatles, John Lennon, was shot and killed outside his apartment. In 2007 (or, probably 2006), Jared Leto ate a lot of food, put on weight, and became John Lennon's killer, Mark David Chapman, for a film called Chapter 27.

JUST FOR THE RECORD -- I'm not gonna bash Jared Leto with weight on him, at all. I actually thought he looked kinda sexy with some meat. I mean, look at him up there - don't ya just wanna pinch his cheeks?

Anyways -- the title Chapter 27 refers to it being like the next chapter of the book, The Catcher in the Rye, which only had 26 chapters. Mark David Chapman believes that he is Holden Caulfield, that book's lead character. He's a delusional guy who hails from Hawaii and he's out to kill John Lennon for being a "phony".

While he stands outside John Lennon's apartment, he befriends Lindsay Lohan, who convinces him to buy John Lennon's latest album, Double Fantasy. Mark David Chapman and Lindsay Lohan also have lunch, but of course, since he's a wack job, he eventually freaks Lindsay out and she runs away. Hey, Mark David, for your information, you were barking up the wrong tree anyway.

Lucky for Mark David, New York has plenty of prostitutes to keep you company, and he orders one who dresses in a bizarre, futuresque outfit and doesn't speak. They have sex, but we don't see it (I was kinda upset by this).

Eventually, Mark David Chapman does what Mark David Chapman is supposed to do. This is where I had the most trouble with the film....



So, yeah, that was my biggest problem with the movie.

Other than that... I thought it was really well made and intriguing for such a small film with barely any actors and not much going on except for a lot of standing around.

I would have liked to have seen some more background on this guy, Mark David Chapman -- there is one scene where he acts kinda weird, doing something he apparently learned in childhood, and it was good, but maybe there could have been more insights - THOUGH, NOT A LOT, or that would have sucked.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Thanks Sexy :randy: great reviews :yup:

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

I don't have that DVD. I believe that Holden and meaty do, but it doesn't have English subtitles or you don't have a "subtitles' button on your DVD remote? Check it out and let me know.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Yeah the movie itself is subtitle-less , but I didn't find the talking hard to hear - and I usually use subtitles for almost every movie for the same reason.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

If you really want download a torrent of the movie with included .sub file (assuming you own the movie - not promoting anything illegal here).

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

I think that's the highest rating I've ever seen for Batman and Robin.

Woops! I clicked on your review thread, didn't notice the date (it always brings you to the first page too) and read your review of Batman and Robin, oh well. Do you still stand by that rating?

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Madea Goes To Jail
(My Review, Take Two)

http://www.topnews.in/files/Tyler-Perry.jpg

Alright, so my last review of Madea Goes To Jail was obviously really bad -- well, I wrote a nice, longer version of it, but I accidentally closed my browser by mistake and off it went down a Movie Forums black hole. So, I'm gonna try this again - hopefully this one will score 1 or 2 positive reputation points.

Have any of you seen any of Tyler Perry's films? There's so many of them now, but not all of them feature the wonderful creature called Madea, whose real name is Mabel Simmons. Madea is, in my opinion, the 21st century's first queen of the screen. She's a big, mouthy woman (played by a man in drag) who likes to play with guns, chainsaws, knives, forklifts, you name it... but every so often she also preaches a Christian message to her family and friends (and of course, to the audience).

In Madea Goes To Jail, the best Madea film yet because it's easier to sit through and there's more, very funny Madea scenes - Madea starts going through some hormonal changes that are making her even more aggressive than ever. This leads to her eventual arrest when she goes totally out of control -- although, it takes a freakin' HOUR for her to finally be arrested and sent to jail!

There is a seperate story involving an assistant district attorney who's trying to help Keshia Knight Pulliam, a prostitute named Candy, get off the streets. Apparently he knew "Candy" back when they lived in the ghetto - he managed to get out and make himself a success, she didn't. Something also happened to the two of them at a party many years ago...

Anyway, the district attorney's fiancee, another district attorney, is NOT happy at all about her man spending a lot of time with Candy...

Candy and Madea eventually meet in jail, which really isn't a spoiler since it's the synopsis they give in every newspaper review. It just takes them A LONG TIME to get into jail!

That's the biggest problem with Madea Goes To Jail -- although I kinda understand the need to keep Madea out of jail for awhile just to get some points across, it still makes the audience wonder (as I did)...

When the F is she gonna go to jail already?!

THEN, when she does manage to get inside the prison, she's getting out of it 15 minutes later... and then the credits roll.

It's like Friday the 13th part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, where Jason spends most of his time on a boat heading to New York, but 15 minutes before the credits roll, he finally makes it there.

A movie to compare this film with by title alone is Ernest Goes To Jail.

http://www.prisonflicks.com/images/EPinkGuard.jpg

But at least in Ernest Goes To Jail, the majority of the film took place in a jail!

Still... I have to admit, I liked Madea Goes To Jail a lot...

There is a certain fun waiting for the big moment that's really gonna make Madea go overboard... she's almost sent to prison at the beginning of the film, but because Madea was beating the crap out of the cops, they forgot to read her Miranda rights and through that technicality she went home free.

See Madea Goes To Jail!

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Tim
(directed by Michael Pate, 1979)

http://www.filmdope.com/Gallery/ActorsG/6518-19630.gif

This film, starring Mel Gibson and Piper Laurie, is about one of the greatest tragedies mankind has ever witnessed. It is drama that even the Greeks never, ever saw coming....

Mel Gibson Aging!

Actually, the film has nothing to do with Mel Gibson aging. In fact, it's about Mel Gibson as a "slow" 24 year old extremely sexy, very well built houseboy/hired hand to ugly Piper Laurie! of all people!

I guess since Piper didn't want to appear nude, the sex scene that eventually happens between her and Mel shows nothing... nothing from Mel... although you do see him in SKIMPY swimming briefs that reveals the bottoms of his muscular buttocks in one shot.

My point is... there's really no other reason to watch Tim except to see Mel Gibson play a sexilicious guy who can't read or write -- until Piper Laurie teaches him, I don't know why, if I had Mel Gibson when he was looking like that and he couldn't read or write, I wouldn't teach him those things! You think I'd want him on the internet browsing personal ads, chatting with "babes", having a way to seek and find other sex partners? HELL NO! I'd just make him my lifelong sex slave... I'd teach him about love... he could always just watch a movie instead of reading a book.

So, anyways, Mel comes to work for Piper Laurie, this bookish, intellectual type. WEEKS GO BY AND SHE DOESN'T F**K HIM! She pulls out the Hooked On Phonics, goes to check out the local school for mentally retarded children to see about what she can do for Mel/Tim.... but whenever there's a scene with Tim in his bed, ALL SHE DOES IS HUG HIM!

After an eternity....



Piper Laurie's hormones finally switch on again... and oh!... she gives him a kiss.

CUT TO: Their Wedding Day!

She feels wrong for starting to like Tim that way since he is a slow person, but... IF ONLY SHE COULD HEAR THE AUDIENCE! Get that pipe, Piper! Get it now before he gets too old, too drunk, too Christian!

Anyway... it was a really good film for awhile, even though it's totally unbelieveable... I can't even fully believe that Tim doesn't know how to read since I know he's Mel Gibson and obviously he had to read the script to Tim to act in it...

It ends horribly.

Not as horrible as something like Tim dies or anything... it's just a very blah ending.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgZh2jcSlVE

Watch this video of clips from Tim to see what I'm talking about in regards to the young sex god Mel Gibson.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Tim is one of my guilty pleasures :randy: I :love: Mel in it :yup:

It is from a book by Colleen McCollough, it explores the tender sweet love between 2 very different people :)

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Another Gay Sequel: Gays Gone Wild!
(directed by Todd Stephens, 2008)

http://phillyist.com/attachments/phi...gs07-10-08.jpg

If you are a straight man or someone who doesn't care for copious amounts of male bare buttocks and man on man simulated anal sex... please... just go now. Don't even bother reading. You don't wanna see this movie.

http://www.sorm.state.tx.us/Training.../Exit-sign.jpg

Because seriously... 95% of Another Gay Sequel: Gays Gone Wild!, the sequel to 2006's Another Gay Movie, is male flesh, male butts, man on man sex and there's even a few penises, one of which is very much erect in the uncut theatrical version.

There's also a watersports song & dance sequence (look it up), a naughty scene with men dressed as animals, sex crazed zombies, a cartoon featuring crabs (the kind that get on your body...), male mermaids without buttholes, and much more - but gay sex tops the list.

Did I mention that there's a watersports song & dance sequence?

A couple of gay boys - who are returning from the first film - head to Fort Lauderdale on a TransAmerica Airline plane that has transsexual stewardesses. Joining them is Perez Hilton, from perezhilton.com. He has sex with a young priest in the airplane bathroom and then becomes an annoying Jesus freak who's against gay sex. He pops up in a lot of scenes. I was hoping he would just die.

RuPaul, in toned down drag, appears as Tyrell Tyrelle, some kind of manager for the Gays Gone Wild! contest and I guess the hotel the boys are staying at. The Gays Gone Wild! contest is put on by a famous real life drag queen, Lady Bunny, and basically whoever has the most gay sex during spring break wins the contest. There's a competition plot involving some nasty East Coast gays and the stars of the movie, who are all California gays.

Nico, played by Jonah Blechman in both films, is the highlight of Another Gay Sequel. He's a campy, effeminate guy who has trouble finding a man -- maybe because he's wearing a cursed Tiki idol! The other guys are kind of blah. But the guy who dates the geeky, curly haired boy has an amazing ass.

http://images.nymag.com/listings/mov...080901_175.jpg
Nico (Jonah Blechman)

Despite the nonstop sex, there are still some good messages about monogamy within the gay community, as one couple debates about whether or not they should have an open relationship during spring break, and another guy, a slut, falls in love with a cute guy who happens to be a virgin.

But, Another Gay Sequel, even with that watersports song & dance sequence, is not really all that hilarious. It's colorful, vibrant and fun -- but a little slow paced and nothing that really qualifies for a big laugh. Is it better than the original? In some ways yes, in some ways it's the same. But I can't give you an expert opinion as I've only seen the original two times and that has been awhile....

Straight guys, if any of you are still reading -- I'm pretty sure if you ever find yourselves watching Another Gay Sequel, you'll be traumatized. You might even be traumatized by this review. So sorry. I watched this movie with my mother. She just thought it was ridiculous.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Observe and Report
(directed by Jody Hill, 2009)

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/image...eport1_500.jpg

A penis sets off the storyline for Observe and Report, which stars Seth Rogen as a bipolar mall security guard named Ronnie Barnhardt, who is intent on catching a flasher that's been exposing himself to women in the mall parking lot.

Oh, and he's also trying to get a date with Brandi (Anna Faris), the sexy, slutty cosmetics girl. As you can see by the picture above, Ronnie does eventually score that.

Ronnie's also trying to become a real policeman... at one point he even goes for a ride along with Detective Harrison (Ray Liotta, who is not aging well...)

But the trouble is, Ronnie is PSYCHO!!! Do not mess with Ronnie Barnhardt -- blood will be shed and it will be yours.

You can, however, mess with Ronnie's alcoholic mother (Celia Weston), who apparently slept with all of Ronnie's friends when he was in high school.

Alright, so you wanna know, is it any good? I think so. It is a dark comedy and for once it's a dark comedy that actually made me laugh quite a bit. It is stupid and yet a little deep, I think. I think the Ronnie Barnhardt character will go down in history, however, I think the film is also on its way to Comedy Central.

The ending is very Fight Club, by the way. That's all I'll say.

Anna Faris pulls in another funny performance -- I think this woman is legendary, however, she needs to be in more films that are her own vehicles. The Scary Movie series was nice, however, she still needs more! I haven't seen The House Bunny, yet. Of course, everytime she plays a character you can really notice the Anna Farishness about her, but I like it. Unfortunately, she isn't given much to do in Observe and Report.

They also didn't spend enough time on her gay cosmetics counter co-worker, Bruce! (Alston Brown, I'm going IMDB crazy here).

Ronnie has also assembled a team of other mall security guards to sort of tag along with him. That, I think, was a weak point. Sometimes funny, but mostly unnecessary. Two of them are called the Yuen brothers (John & Matt Yuan).

It was nice that they actually explained Ronnie's craziness with the bipolar disorder. I have known a few bipolars in my life, and lemme just say that one of them was exactly like Ronnie Barnhardt!

But without the deliciousness of Seth Rogen's physical appeal (at least to me). Sadly, although there's plenty of nudity from the disgusting, fat flasher, there's nothing from Rogen, even though he does have a sex scene.

Oh yeah, and there's this girl named Nell (Collette Wolfe) who works at a coffee shop/bakery and she has her leg in a cast which she has to keep propped up all the time. Ronnie visits her everyday and gets a free cup of coffee. That's an interesting subplot.

Be prepared for violence, arrogance, alcoholism, sluttiness, mental disorders, penis, drugs, charm and car giveaways.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Thanks for the great reviews Sexy :)

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome
(directed by George Miller & George Ogilvie, 1985)

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3125/...2d2b47.jpg?v=0

Well, I rewatched Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome the other night -- this movie was apparently one of my favorite films when I was a kid.

Perhaps it was the first film I ever saw, when I had nothing to compare it to... this movie is a yawn fest. It's interesting and it has some pretty cool visuals and sounds, BUT WHAT IS THE POINT?

Mel Gibson stars (as Mad Max, of course) in this third part of what I guess is the Mad Max trilogy. I haven't seen the first two, yet. He's wandering around the desert, loses some supplies and then goes into Barter Town, a really ugly place that Tina Turner (as Aunty Entity) runs - or is trying to run, at least. It looks like some kind of dominatrix circus with the way people dress in Barter Town. I SWEAR I SPOTTED BRITNEY SPEARS IN ONE FRAME!

This brings up the most interesting part of the film -- Tina Turner's costume. This movie should have been called Tina Turner's Costume. Scenes without Tina Turner in them mostly stink. The plot of this film is Mad Max is told to pick a fight with some monstrous guy called Blaster, who is part of Master Blaster, Master being the little person who rides around on his shoulders and tells him what to do. Master Blaster, when combined, is bossing Aunty Entity around and she doesn't like it - he does things like shut down her entire little freak town. He runs the energy department that's underground - their town runs on pig crap.

So, to entertain themselves, they fight in an arena called Thunderdome, which is kinda like our Survivor or American Idol, I guess, except what happens is two people enter and only one leaves -- because the other one is DEAD.

Mad Max and Blaster fight... and well, I won't spoil what happens, but I will say that... and I warn you, I'm about reveal the rest of the film...



It's kinda pointless, really, and boring. But Tina Turner's costume... Tina Turner makes this movie.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Thanks Sexy :yup: Tina's costume was great :yup:

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Rachel Getting Married
(directed by Jonathan Demme, 2008)
http://billsmovieemporium.files.word...ng-married.jpg

Wow.


Wow!

I loved this movie. Anne Hathaway stars as Kym, the sister to Rachel, who is, obviously, getting married. She's a drug addict who's been in and out of rehab more times than Elizabeth Taylor and everyone looks at her like she's a huge freak.

This is the perfect family drama film. Why wasn't this movie named Best Picture at the last Oscars ceremony? The film really deserves a more thorough movie review from me, but alas, I've only seen it once. I DID have to stop watching it about an hour into it... but it was 11 o'clock at night and I was falling asleep ~ I had to. I did finish it, though, of course.

Poor Kym... she's really been through a lot.



And her family and friends aren't being too kind to her... she is like an alien at the wedding. The crazy family member. If she could just jump through the screen, she'd see that she's the star of a hit movie and maybe cheer up.

My favorite scene takes place near the end and involves Kym's cold mother... ooooh!

Another great scene is the night before the wedding at the dinner, where everyone is giving a little speech about the bride and groom. Poor Kym... surrounded by all of these judgemental nitpickers who see noise and annoyance instead of pain... Kym just wants to be loved. I identify with Kym and movies like these because I too have often felt like an outsider.

The wedding itself is both fun and obnoxious and the film spends a lot of time showing off the reception party with lots of outrageous dancing.

But it's the family drama and Kym's struggle for love, acceptance and amends that keeps the film going and keeps you watching.

Anne Hathaway is sublime. SEE IT.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

I almost want to see Another Gay Sequel now judging by just how ridiculous it sounds.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

SEX DRIVE
(directed by Sean Anders, 2008)

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/...44_468x315.jpg

Doesn't Seth Green look positively dreamy as an Amish guy? I used this picture on purpose - look at those eyes! I wish he was here to look at me that way.

Anyway, I loved Sex Drive and I'm not sure why. I watched the unrated version -- I was warned (by the makers of the film, actually) to watch the R rated version first, but I didn't. I checked the R rated film after I watched the unrated and it's definitely the same film.

Sex Drive is about 1 hour and 50 minutes long, I think -- but the pacing of the film makes it feel like it's driving along at 10 mph. This is my biggest complaint. Despite the long ride, I enjoyed myself and managed to find myself amused and laughing at times.

Basically, the plot of the movie is a guy wants to lose his virginity to a girl he's met on the internet, yet he's also got a major crush on this friend of his who happens to be female. He, she and their other male friend steal Seann William Scott's 1969 car (I forget what kind of car it was, but definitely remember the year) and drive to Tennessee to get the lead guy, Josh Zuckerman, laid.

Along the way they encounter Amish people, every kind of redneck you could imagine, psychos, very kinky women, and so on and so on.

The unrated version has naked women and naked men just randomly appearing in scenes for no reason at all -- literally, naked women run across the screen, pause for you to admire their nakedness, then trot off. I found it hilarious.

Not the best film ever made, but definitely not crap.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Step Brothers
(directed by Adam McKay, 2008)

http://g-ecx.images-amazon.com/image...others_4lg.jpg

Oh, dear. Unfortunately, Step Brothers was a little out of step.

I thought that the step mom, played by Mary Steenburgen, was actually funnier than the step brothers.

Mary Steenburgen and Richard Jenkins are getting married -- Mary's moving in with Richard, and she's bringing her son, Will Ferrell, along. Richard Jenkins' son, John C. Reilly, already lives at the house and he'll be sharing a room with Will Ferrell. Will and John -- or actually, I should start using character names for once -- BRENNAN and DALE are both around 40 years old, but they act like 10 year olds. LITERALLY.

This isn't what's wrong with the film, though -- and, also, in my opinion, Step Brothers isn't as bad as some other "comedies" I've seen out there. But it'll sure make you appreciate something like Observe and Report even more.

I dunno how to describe it... it's just a manic mess. There are fart jokes. There are white dog poop jokes. There's an out of control, sex craved sister-in-law who falls heels over head in love with DALE (John C. Reilly). That was kind of funny, but could have been better.

The pacing was certainly a lot better than Sex Drive's, but it made me do something I hate doing...

I fast forwarded through the last ten minutes. I saw and understood what happened, but I was READY TO SHUT THAT THING OFF!

Oh yeah, I remember something that I thought of when I was actually watching the movie -- This is the kind of movie that monkeys should sit down and watch, because Brennan and Dale are a lot like monkeys. By the end of the film, both of them are even hanging out in a tree and wearing Chewbacca masks. Monkeys would like this movie -- for awhile. Then they'd probably fling some poop at the television screen.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Man, I actually, well I like Step Brothers.

The Muppets Take Manhattan
(directed by Frank Oz, 1984)

http://www.lazydork.com/movies/muppetsman.jpg
http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/mu.../4/41/Liza.jpghttp://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/mu.../4d/Eileen.jpg

One of my favorite films is The Muppets Take Manhattan, a movie about the struggle to make your dreams come true. Kermit and Co. have just graduated from college and they're making big plans to put on a show on Broadway.

Alas, it isn't so easy, and they all seperate until Kermit can find the right producer... of course, they have to seperate while singing the most depressing song in history, Saying Goodbye.

But depression doesn't last very long, as there is a lot of madcap fun, including Joan Rivers going totally bonkers with Miss Piggy at a cosmetics counter, Miss Piggy STALKING Kermit instead of going off to do her own thing -- she has good reason to stalk, as Kermit's new close friend is female - a human one. She follows him everywhere, including to the park where she has her purse stolen and she has to persue the thief on rollerskates!

http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/mu...tuntpiggy1.jpg
Miss Piggy will get her frog and her purse back!

There are lots of celebrity cameos - Joan Rivers, Liza Minelli, Dabney Coleman, John Landis, Brooke Shields, Elliott Gould, etc.

The Muppets even take the soap opera route and give Kermit a bout of amnesia at one point and he becomes Phil, an advertising executive working on Ocean Breeze Soap.

This is also the film where Kermit actually marries Miss Piggy -- although, when are they ever considered husband and wife again after this film? If they're still married, I have no doubt that they love each other, and it's probably not an open marriage because Miss Piggy hasn't gone to jail yet, but they seem borderline seperated sometimes!

Perhaps I'm just confused because there hasn't been enough Muppet movies where the Muppets actually play themselves. I'm not really a fan of Muppet movies where they play different characters - thus my lack of interest in films like The Muppet Christmas Carol, Muppet Treasure Island, and Muppets Wizard of Oz.

Although, I did like The Great Muppet Caper, but it's been a long time since I've seen it and I don't remember it vividly.

I like the Muppets playing who they are - and that's why The Muppets Take Manhattan is my favorite.

Miss Piggy is just absolutely hysterical - that's another reason. My favorite Muppets are her and Animal. I've always been a Muppet fan. I used to wear these shoelace protector things on my shoes that looked like faces of Muppet characters back in elementary school -- people still remembered me wearing those up until high school.

That was probably a clue to the other boys that I wasn't quite like them -- that and the fact that when my 3rd grade class went out one day to play football, I hung out with the few girls who didn't wanna play and we cheerleaded.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Doubt
(directed by John Patrick Stanley, 2008)

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3364/...977e57feb6.jpg

Meryl Streep goes bitch goddess in the role of a strict, rules obsessed nun they call Sister Aloycious in Doubt, a movie I liked very much. A mysterious movie with mysterious people -- Philip Seymour Hoffman, as Father Flynn, who is accused of fooling around with the new 12 year old African American boy student -- this film is set in the 60's and he is the only black kid in the school. Is Father Flynn really doing naughty things with the boy, or is he just protecting him from the other closed minded students?

What's the story with Sister Aloycious? Why is she so certain of herself? There's not really a lot of evidence to point that Father Flynn did anything wrong... or did he?

I have my own beliefs, which I won't share here because I don't wanna spoil anything for you.

All around terrific acting here. I think this is one of the best roles Meryl Streep has performed. But then again there's just something about a bossy nun... not that I'm one of those people turned on by nuns, but those poor things! Married to God, remaining celibate... I guess it just makes one really snappy and prudish. Interestingly, Sister Aloycious was once married, we find out later in the film.

Pacing is superb. I can't stand a movie that takes forever to get started. I also tried to watch The Wrestler, but I couldn't get into it, thus no review.

Oh yeah, I also love it when Noxeema's friend - Alice Drummond, who plays Sister Veronica - appears. I call her Noxeema's friend because she was in To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar as a strange old lady who befriended Noxeema Jackson (Wesley Snipes). Anytime she appears in a movie, I say, "There's Noxeema's friend again! HA!" Noxeema's friend is funny in Doubt as a nun who's going blind.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

X-Men Origins: Wolverine
(directed by Gavin Hood - Robin Hood's son, 2009)

http://www.shockya.com/news/wp-conte...verine_tub.jpg

Above is what I wanna see when I take a bath.

Surely, X-Men Origins: Wolverine will be taking home my Sex It Up! award for 2009. Not only does Hugh Jackman run around butt ass naked for a few scenes (although, at a distance, and frustrating!) you also see him in all of his hairy maleness quite a lot -- well, the film is all about him -- and then they also put in LIEV SCHREIBER! :eek: -- and, and, and, and, and....

Ryan Reynolds!

http://moviesmedia.ign.com/movies/im...3061232646.jpg
(just pretend the women aren't there)

Ohhh, if this movie was a person, it better have a rape whistle 'cause I'd be on it like whipped cream on a banana split.

Unfortunately, I think it does have a rape whistle cause I hear something blowing -- the story!!

Beginning with Wolverine as a child, we witness the shocking (?) event that began everything. He and his mutant brother (Liev Schreiber) run away and make appearances in every war (they're immortal, don't ya know). Eventually, they join forces with the government for special projects, but Wolverine breaks off and goes to live a life alone with his Native American girlfriend (she gives him his name, Wolverine, through a story). An angry Liev Schreiber comes back and gets revenge and then we see Wolverine on a quest for blood.

Oh, and he evolves thanks to some scientist who puts him in the sexy bathtub. Oh, and the scientist goes a little science happy and tries to make new and improved mutants that follow his commands.

There's lot of fighting, lots of cool action scenes, but the one death scene that I wanted to witness did not occur ---

When Wolverine, naked after his becoming an evolved mutant in the sexy bathtub, runs into a barn to hide, an old lady spots him, and her old farmer husband who lives there goes to check it out, rifle in hand. Discovering naked Wolverine crouched down and breathing heavily, the old farmer hands him something to wear.

"Don't want the old lady to see ya and have a heart attack," the old farmer tells the muscular, sexy Wolverine.

I was like... Die, Old Bitch.

For God Sakes! Send him out there to prance around naked in front of her, let it flop around in her face, let him wiggle and shake his hard, beefy buttocks before her --- give that old lady a heart attack! She'll at least die happy... and then the old farmer could go gay have Wolverine to himself! :randy: That would have been my plan.

But, nooooooo -- Wolverine had to put on some clothes. The old lady didn't see anymore of him.



So, yeah... more fighting, a twist ending of sorts, no more nudity.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Surfer, Dude
(Directed by S.R. Bindler, 2008)
http://z.about.com/d/movies/1/0/-/0/...erdudepic2.jpg

Surfer, Dude is a yawnfestation starring Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson as pot smoking surfer dudes who are battling against the evils of a reality TV producer who wants them to live in his reality TV show house with other surfer dudes -- the price is that Matthew (as Steve Addington) will lose his authentic coolness and will have to be involved in a lot of fake dramatic fights.

Now for our Men On Films segment: The always good looking Matthew does meditate in the nude and you see his bare buttocks as he's sitting (well, actually, you just see the top of his crack then, but it's very erotic and crotch heat enducing). He gets up and IT LOOKS LIKE YOU SEE HIS BIG, FLOPPY PENIS JANGLING -- but it may have been covered up by some kind of cloth to hide the penis. You do, however, see more buttocks, but boy runs fast and it's frustrating.

Why can't these hot guys run slow?! Where are the mega hot track & field rejects? I need guys that move like Night of the Living Dead zombies -- not Return of the Living Dead zombies (ya know, when they ran fast).
Hugh Jackman did the same thing in Wolverine -- he ran very fast. Cut the Road Runner crap, men!

Anyway...

Somehow I managed to sit through all of this movie.

Do you wanna know what the major crisis going on in this movie is? Matthew McConaughey's money has been cut off thanks to the evil reality TV producer and he can't get off this island -- the island sucks because there are NO WAVES FOR HIM TO SURF ON.

He has plenty of ganja to get high off of, but he's "fasting" and won't do it -- in hopes of bringing the waves. Weeks go by -- no waves. He suffers instead of surfs. We actually see a day counter on the corner of the screen -- "Day 12", "Day 27", "Day 41" -- still no waves. Matthew continues to mope around in agony. So do we.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Great reviews Sexy, Thanks :)

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

That picture tells me both things I need to know about that film.

1. I won't like it.
2. I won't see it.

Star Trek
(directed by J. J. Abrams, 2009)
http://fanboyz.net/wp-content/upload.../star-trek.jpg

I don't know how to begin this movie review, but I figured that since everyone else on Movie Forums was talking about it, I might as well voice my own opinion.

For starters, you should know that I was on a date when I saw Star Trek, and I must say I had the perfect companion -- a fan of the series and the previous movies, who understood inside jokes that I didn't get. Now, I don't want to say much about my companion here because I don't know him very well yet, but...

http://www.gulfcoast-solutions.com/s...seLightRed.gif

Man!

In close proximity.

Needless to say, it was a little hard to concentrate fully on this boring film when I had a man sitting next to me. A man I was on a date with. A man I found charming.

But onto the review...

So, Star Trek begins chaotically with a battle, a baby being born and more drama.

The villian, played by Eric Bana, is watered down Kool Aid -- please! -- he's every guy you see on TV and walking down the street nowadays. Some guy trying to find masculinity by having his face tattooed.

SCARY!

This is the whole problem with the new Star Trek for me -- it is too modern, too youth oriented, too Jonas Brothers. Too gay.

They made a gay Star Trek movie. Seriously. Chris Pine (Kirk) and Zachary Quinto (Spock) are gay boys in Star Trek drag. I have thought this ever since I first saw pictures of them in the film and it was confirmed while I watched the movie.

I am not a fan of the TV series or any of the previous films, but there was something wrong with this movie. I dunno -- it didn't feel authentic.

But I was wowed by Leonard Nimoy when he appeared as Old Spock... except when he gave his little hand salute and said, "Good Luck". OH, OLD SPOCK, YOU ARE SO HIP WITH YOUR EASYGOING WORDS!

Now I hate to be a bitch and I'm so sorry that I couldn't take in as much enjoyment as my date did, but...

Winona Ryder

as Spock's mommy... was the best. I mean, can't you just imagine Winona leaving the Star Trek set for the day, with Spock's pointy prosthetic ears hidden in her purse? Maybe she flew back to her L.A. home, or wherever she lives, in the Starship Enterprise and cops had to chase her down.

Besides all of this, I really did enjoy Leonard Nimoy's performance, as well as the whole message of the film about becoming more human and being more free with your emotions, which is what Spock needs to do. Spock, in general, is just an awesome character, and I even liked Zachary Quinto's performance... but it was just all so gay. And I'm not trying to be mean because by now you should all know that I'm gay myself... I just... I dunno... why do we have to update everything nowadays with pretty boys? I want some rough, tough yet down to earth men, like Leonard Nimoy. People whose sexuality I don't question. I know this might be wrong to say, but...

that's how I feel!

Oh, and a nice surprise to see Simon Pegg in the film as well.

But I have had it with remakes. I've had it with directors who aren't fans of the original material (J.J. Abrams admitted he wasn't into the franchise). I'm sick of previous movie franchises being discarded in order for "re-imaginings".

It's happened with Star Trek, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Halloween, Friday the 13th... what am I forgetting?

Enough.

Do something unique... and may be the force and sexiness be with you.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

I didn't have a date when i went :nope: I went alone :bawling: ;D I loved it but then i am a Star Trek tragic :yup:

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
(directed by David Fincher, 2008)

http://www.reverseshot.com/files/ima...min-button.jpg

Alright, before I begin talking about Brad Pitt, I guess I should say something about the film.

What a fairy tale. What a marvelous movie about love and aging. But it's a little long and a little slow... I found myself having to get up a lot to do things. It could have been a little more dramatic.

Who cared that he was fooling around with Tilda Swinton? Sad, since he was supposed to be with Cate Blanchett, but I think her character was just getting her first period and Brad Pitt was just starting to go off Viagra, so I can see why it wouldn't work yet. I personally would still need Viagra to do Tilda Swinton, even though she does looka-like-a man.

My biggest complaint is... WHY AREN'T PEOPLE MORE WEIRDED OUT BY WHAT'S HAPPENING TO HIM?!?!

Take something that happens near the end:



You've got this alien being who starts off old and grows to be a young child.

His life is as sweet as apple pie!

Meanwhile, someone like me comes into the world - he doesn't care for sports, he hangs up posters of Mark-Paul Gosselaar on his wall, he yearns to see every hot guy with an incredible ass in a jockstrap, he doesn't wanna marry a woman...

Let's see... I've been punched, ridiculed, feared what friends, family and co-workers would say for years; I've been told that I needed to be a drag queen, told that I needed to be a straight acting macho gym going athlete, became very confused, told that I needed to sleep with a new man every night, told that I needed to settle down and have a husband and act like straight people; other people like me think I'm the Anti-Christ, I've been told to treat Ellen DeGeneres like some sort of God, been told to march in parades and only read gay magazines and watch gay movies and gay TV shows, etc. etc.

Why is Benjamin Button's life so EASY for him to live?!



For example, NOBODY even tries to force anti-aging skin cream on Benjamin Button when he's old!

Maybe it hadn't been invented yet, but I'm sure there must have been something!

For a freak, Benjamin Button lives a fantastic life.

And I think it's a fantastic movie... and Brad Pitt certainly looks yummy in his younger/older years... how disappointing that the only time Brad Pitt shows his rear end is when he's in that old body... CAN'T WE AT LEAST GET A FEW MORE REAL REAR END SHOTS BEFORE BRAD ACTUALLY GETS OLD?!

I mean, there's really nothing out there except for those classic nude Brad Pitt pictures while he was vacationing with Gweneth Paltrow and his mooning scene in 12 Monkeys, which also included a terrific shot of a soapy bare ass naked Bruce Willis in the shower. Love that movie.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is recommended by me, but bring a blanket, a cross stitch pattern, Mad Libs and, if you have one, your own Brad Pitt blow up doll for company.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

I love how you manage to point out plot holes in the movie and still make your review hilarious! :up:

That first part answers the second. :yup:

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Thanks Sexy you are so Funny :laugh:

Rambo
First Blood Part II
(directed by George P. Cosmatos, 1985)

http://www.instantgoodness.com/image...nce%5B1%5D.jpg

This is the Rambo movie to see.

Although, since I still haven't seen Rambo III, I can't tell you that with certainty... but I've heard it's not that great... but I LOVE Rambo: First Blood part II!

Be sure to watch it on a big high definition television, like I did, or you might experience something less than grand.

Basically, John Rambo (Sylvester Stallone) is taken out of prison by his old buddy Colonel Trautman for a top secret operation to take pictures of POW's still Vietnam. But Rambo's occupation isn't photographer ~ he's gonna do everything he can to rescue those POW's and bring them back to safety ~ and I mean EVERYTHING.

Along the way he gets some help from pretty Vietnamese freedom fighter, Co Bao (Julia Nickson-Soul, what a lovely sounding name, much better than Co Bao).

http://content6.flixster.com/questio...868200_std.jpg

Death, death and more death. Get on Rambo's bad side and you will most likely die. Best to be female, naked and ready to give Rambo a back massage (I can be two out of three).

Rambo: First Blood part II was scripted by Sylvester Stallone and, surprisingly, James Cameron (Aliens, Terminator 2, Titanic), which is why I think the movie is so good.

Fuel up your testosterone, cook some steak and potatoes, break out the beer, rip your shirt off, play with some knives and watch Rambo: First Blood part II. You will never regret it!

Tango & Cash
[an exclusive Blu-ray review]
(directed by Andrei Konchalovsky, 1989)

http://guidatv.sky.it/app/guidatv/im...angoCash_b.jpg

Tango & Cash on Blu-ray has everything you need to get your movie gears goin'. It's like a fresh pot of hot coffee.

Not only does it feature an anamorphic transfer, crisp and sharp for your Blu eyes, you can also enjoy all of that crispness by staring lovingly at Sylvester Stallone and Kurt Russell's bare buttocks as they sashay and cascade down to a prison shower scene. Sylvester's is especially adoring, as he has full, ripe Italian buttocks and he also wears a manly man necklace to accentuate his already well developed masculinity. Not even Michael Jackson could get that closer to heaven than you by watching this scene.

Butt anyways, have I mentioned that the film is halfway entertaining, but it's not a full meal, unless you count Sylvester's butt? In this film, two badass, tough cookie, smart and savvy cops are framed for murder and put in jail so that they can be murdered in prison by the inmates they alraedy put there. It's all part of some elaborate scheme that some bad guys - I think they're drug dealers - are up to.

Will Tango & Cash get out and put the real criminals to justice?

Oh, you just know that they will. This isn't some complicated, original cop drama -- this is a Sylvester Stallone and Kurt Russell film! This is a buddy movie, for Christ's sakes!

And what's a buddy movie without Kurt Russell in drag?

http://content.ytmnd.com/content/7/a...a6c6c61511.jpg

Yes, honey, that is Kurt Russell himself in lady gear. Sorry that it's such a crappy picture - blame the idgit who uploaded it on the net.

Tango & Cash is old, but it's funny -- there are lots of jokes about either one of them turning gay for the other, which is nice if you like that kind of gasoline to fuel your fantasies.

If you must watch Tango & Cash, please get the Blu-ray disc. Now, it is not the best Blu-ray movie out there, but it's the best version you're gonna get of Tango & Cash.

By the way, Sylvester Stallone is Tango and Kurt Russell is Cash. That's Ray Tango and Gabriel Cash. That's very good threesome material, don't ya know?

Anyway....

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Thanks Sexy :yup: one of my guilty pleasures :blush:

Jonas Brothers
The 3D Concert Experience
(directed by Bruce Hendricks, 2009)

[Blu-ray review]

http://www.latimes.com/media/photo/2009-02/45246997.jpg

When you find Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience on sale for $12.00 instead of $30, you buy it. You then find yourself on your couch with the 3D glasses on and you watch the movie.

I did not jump up, clap my hands, scream like a girl, and go bananas for Kevin, Joe and Nick. But you might.

Kevin, Joe and Nick Jonas are three brothers in a teenybopper pop music group. They're very famous and young girls everywhere want to marry them and have their babies. So do some young gay boys. I particularly do not like any of their music.

Am I gaga over the way the Jonas brothers look? Well, Nick is too young for me, but Kevin and Joe are nice looking, Joe more so. He's about to turn 20. I'm only 5 years older than that... well, 6, if you count that I'm turning 26 in November. Oh god. The Jonas Brothers make me feel old!

Personally, I can't believe millions of girls everywhere go crazy for these boys, but what can you do?

I have no idea how to review this movie. I yawned a lot during it. I'm telling ya, their music isn't addicting to me. It's a nice movie, though -- really vivid in Blu-ray. The 3D is fun, but only so often do they throw something at the screen which makes for a cool 3D moment. At one point, the Jonas Brothers pick up these big hoses and shoot lots of white foam at the audience. I managed to not get any on me, but the girls in the audience weren't so lucky (or were they?)

It was sort of fun and had I been a Jonas Brothers fan, it would have been super exciting.

I'm not kidding about that white foam.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BkbQxemT5Q

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

I really like horror films, but I don't like this film. As you said, it's boring (OK, you said "scenes drag" but I read "it's boring" and I prefer my version) and that dozy bitch runs around screaming for about 45 minutes. KILL HER FOR GOD'S SAKE!!! She drives me mad.

It does have a great final shot though, which is truly iconic.

As for the remake, I've had it sat on my shelf for about 5 years now... Still not watched it.

Re: Sexy Cineplexy: Reviews
 

Yeah, admittedly it is rather crap when you think about it. But I still like it, and that review is just about as good a review you could give Chainsaw. Good work :up:.

Hellraiser
(directed by Clive Barker, 1987)

[Exclusive Blu-ray review]

http://www.itsonlyamovie.co.uk/scree...0the%20box.jpg

God, I love this movie.

On Blu-ray, my love for Hellraiser only expanded, like the universe. It's funny how the opposite happened with the Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) Blu-ray.

The Hellraiser Blu-ray is one of the most gorgeous films I have seen on Blu-ray. I guess it was true what Pinhead, the creepy cenobite guy from the film said: "We have such sights to show you." It took 22 years for me to see Hellraiser like this: Blood so shimmering and red. Ooze and slime from a skinless man so wet looking, so in your face, so within reach.

Hellraiser is the bizarre tale of a family that is torn apart by lust and dark forces. A man and his quiet wife move into an old house that was, for awhile, being lived in by the man's brother, Frank. The quiet wife, Julia, has a terrible secret -- she made whoopy with Frank right before she married his brother! Frank seems to have disappeared, but he'll be back....

When he gets back, he's not quite himself -- he's a little skinless creature hiding out in the attic of the house. There's only one way for Frank to go out in public again: He needs to nourish himself with the vitamins and nutrients that only a living person can provide. This way, Frank can grow into a healthy, full grown human being again. Shockingly, Julia, who discovers him in the attic, is A-okay with luring men back to the house so she can hit them over the head with a hammer and let Frank feast. The sex she had with Frank when he was a normal, living guy was that good.

So, Hellraiser is basically the story of a woman who will go to great lengths to fix her sex toy. It could have been done different in a more PG way, with a woman who goes to CVS to buy batteries for her vibrator, but wicked minded Clive Barker envisioned something else, something darker, something unexpected.

Speaking of toys, there's a little puzzlebox in this movie -- a cube that you mess around with and when you touch it right it causes the gateway to hell to open, and these disgusting looking demons that wear leather and have pins and hooks going through their flesh appear and take you to hell. This thing sent Frank to hell. When he manages to escape, he's back in the attic again and that's when Julia starts work on her new household project.

A strange movie... very different from all of the other slasher, Freddy Krueger/Jason Voorhees type horror films that were so popular in the 1980's. Hellraiser has, so far, spawned 7 sequels and a remake has been in the planning stages for awhile. Many of the sequels suck. Only Hellbound: Hellraiser II has any real merit, as it's a direct sequel to Hellraiser that takes place only a few hours later.

I can't stop thinking about how marvelous this movie is. The Blu-ray transfer is really spectacular. Hellraiser is timeless. Roger Ebert hated it when it came out, but who cares? He can go sit on a puzzlebox.

Adam
(directed by Max Mayer, 2009)

[Exclusive DRUNK Review!]

http://sites.google.com/site/watchmo...002/w/adam.jpg

Before going into this review, you should know that I am not actually drunk while writing this review. I was drunk watching the movie. That's my disclaimer. There is not really any false advertising. Onto the review....

Here we have a sweet little movie about a guy who has Asperger's Syndrome (Hugh Dancy as Adam), a form of autism that allows you to function better than an autistic person, yet you're still curiously odd, but at the same time, you can be pretty smart - a genius, in fact.

Anyway, the guy has a romance with his new neighbor, Beth (Rose Byrne). Meanwhile, I was having a romance with Captain Morgan.

http://www.fantasyfest.net/images/Captainlogo_2005.jpg

Wow -- lemme tell ya -- that pirate knew how to steer my ship. It wasn't long before I had swallowed all of his hot, burning liquid...

And wound up drunk in the movie theatre!

See, I happened to sneak those little bottles of booze into the theatre by putting them in my pocket (stupid gender roles won't allow me to own a purse, where carrying such things would be easier!) and anyway, I drank them all, and by the time I was done, the audience had stopped watching Adam and started watching Adrunk!

It was the most fantastic movie ever. I can't really remember what happened after about thirty minutes into it, but I remember really rooting for Adam to get laid. Every time they said something that put Adam closer in the direction of a bed, I smiled real big and gave a big thumbs up.

A few times, I think I verbally congratulated Adam.

Anyway...

They do have sex! BUT THERE WASN'T NUDITY. Thank God, though. If Adam had been running around completely naked, I might have possibly been so openly turned on that the only person I'd be giving this review to is Pee Wee Herman. Though, Hugh Dancy really isn't my type, so I doubt that there, but you can never be sure when you're drunk ~ right, guys?

At the end of the movie, I applauded. It was like a new Star Wars movie was rolling its end credits. I was the only person in the theatre applauding it.

I heard that Adam was bad by my friend who went with me (and stayed sober). He was disappointed.

I can't remember most of the movie. But I had a good time!

NO STARS (it wouldn't be fair to rate this movie).

CAPTAIN MORGAN --